Jersey Shore Season One, Episode Five (s01e05)
Please don’t tell me I have missing teeth!
I'm laying there and I'm like, yo, what the f*ck just happened?
This was like just a regular girl like like like my sister or my friends.
Schnickers is like crying 'cause she got punched in the face and like The Situation is creepin'.
He better not hope I don't find out his name, bro.
I never expected to ever get hit by a guy, ever.
Now I know that they all love me like I love them. Like, I stuck up for them - that's why I got hit in the face, and I think they realize that and they realize I'm a nice person and I care about everybody in this house and now they all feel the same way about me.
How do you watch that girl get in her face and do nothing and like you still have the balls to creep.
This house is f*ckin' atrocious.
I was about to barrel through cops, I was that heated.
I definitely want to look good for Ronnie's parents, because it's the first time they're meeting me. Like, I want them to think like wow, that's her, she's really pretty, and whatever.
F*ck my life.
Get some food. Feel better. Drink heavily.
She gives great advice.
Girls love a DJ, so once they see me behind the wheels of steel over there, doing my thing... watch out.
I'm doing him a favor 'cause I see the spot, it has some potential, and I like to throw down a sick mix and that's gonna bring people to his spot.
[w/a lobster] Snooks, come here, ya gotta kill one.
I came home when they were putting in the lobsters, i was like yo, are those real? That's disgusting, I'm a vet tech. Like, I save animals, I don't kill them.
That's why I don't eat lobster or anything like that cause they're alive when you kill it.
I know us guys are awesome, but, come on girls, at least chip in a little bit.
I think what happened to Snookers brought us a lot closer to Snookers, definitely. 'Cause now we like kinda feel bad and she's a real person, i mean, we get on her and stuff like that but we still care for her.
I tried to eat but I couldn't get it in my freakin' mouth 'cause I'm disabled.
Get the f*ck outta here, I just cooked for like two hours.
Good job, you cooked food for everyone. Have I ever asked you to cook me food? No. Do you do it? Yeah.
Everybody should take each side of my plate and walk it to the garbage.
I'm not touching one dish, because I cooked a crazy meal and she's got the nerve to tell me to clean my plate. You know what? You are excluded from dinner then, from now on you are excluded from the surf n' turf night. You excluded from ravioli night, you excluded from chicken cutlet night.
No no no no no, we coordinated a feast as you were getting your nail and your hair did today.
Michael only does care about himself, he doesn't care about Nicole.
Mike, I don't f*ckin' like you. He puts on a show. He acts like somebody that he's not, and I pretty much don't like him at all, in any way.
My hair didn't even move an inch and I was in & out of the water. My hair's windproof, waterproof, soccerproof, motocycleproof. I'm not sure if my hair's bulletproof, I'm not willin' to try that.
I was pissed off, like right when I f*ckin' met a guy and I wanted to get his number and hang out with him we had to leave, just my luck.
There is definitely a numbers game when it comes to girls. Let's just say, ya know, ten girls have slipped you their number within that particular week. There is a possibility that, like, five or six may not answer. Somebody may pick up but they're busy, but probably on three or four they're probably coming over and I'm going to have to make a decision on which group of girls I want to come over for me and my boy Pauly.
As long as you keep calling there will be success in your numbers game, it's just like anything.
Pauly & Mike are always looking for girls, ya know what I mean? I think they're going fishing tonight. They'll probably scrape something off the boardwalk.
They're cool girls. They're smart and everything, but they want to hook up just as well, but I think it will take a couple of times seeing them to hook up. They're not like whores.
Stephanie is a girl I met at Bamboo, and she's actually a pretty girl that I'm attracted to, to the point where I'd rather do sweet things for you instead of, ya know, just come home and hook-up, it's like a different situation.
They're pretty cool, ya know, there some girls that
are just gonna come here, strip off their clothes & jump the the jacuzzi. Then there are some girls that are respectful, that you have to just actually treat like girls, human beings.
She called Snookers fat & that like triggered me, umm, so I threw my drink in her face.
I look over and I see like hair being pulled & all this sh*t, I'm like oh my god, how do I get in?
I was gonna try to uppercut her, but at that point I had too many bouncers wrapped around me. I just wish for like 3 more seconds. I woulda done justice.
JWOWW f*ckin' beat a b*tch up tonight. I tried to get in it but I couldn't.
I'm fat [fake cries] I'm about to eat a sausage right now. F*CK YOU ALL!!! HAHA!
Pauly pulled out his DJ equipment. He's got the Italian thing on the equipment, he has another Italian flag on his book bag, another Italian flag on his laptop. He's the ultimate guido, he really is.
Everybody gets stood up, everybody gets hung up on and rejected, I'm not saying I'm not, I'm just saying 9 out of 10 times I'm good wit it.
[on JWOWW's bf, Tommy] This kid's a sucka, he keeps sending her all this sh*t.
JWOWW's p*ssy must be rainbows & pasta treasure.
I would give her d*ck in bubblegum. I would send her a picture of my d*ck in a pack of bubblegum & say 'chew on this'.
I'm the youngest guy in the house. But I'm the most mature person in the house.
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