Season One, Episode Two (s01e02)
I feel like this job is beneath me, I'm a bartender. I do, like, great things.
[Day 2] I am a princess at home, like, I am the f*cking princess of f*cking Poughkeepsie. Here, I am nobody, I'm like emotionally exhausted.
If you want to look somewhat like The Situation, which is gonna be pretty hard, you need to get that protein in your diet.
If I was just gonna get sloppy, I should have just pounded out what’s her name on Friday night.
You only learn, you grow, you move on, you have to push through every situation that you’re in.
Snooki’s staying and I’m ready to party. I’m ready to meet sexy guidos and I’m ready just to f*cking be single.
In a weird Snookers world, like me and Snookers would make the best, like, little guidos and guidettes, little poofs and blow-outs on our little kids.
Everybody loves me, babies, dogs, ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal.
I don't give a f*ck. You're fat, you're ugly, you're 45 years-old, I'll dance with you. It's hilarious, ya know what I mean?
My ideal man would be Italian, dark, muscles, juice-head, guido.
With me and Sam, it’s not a matter of if she wants to hook up with me; it’s a matter of just when I decide.
That’s what you get for putting a fat girl’s ass in your face [laughs] that’s how you get pinkeye!
Don’t let the spike hair fool you, like I’m not a b*tch.
The Ron-Ron Juice is the shit that gets the night going, I mean whenever that shit comes out it’s always a filthy night.
I hear the music, I start fist-pumping, I start dancing, I’m pulling girls on stage and now.. Vinny came out to play.
I wait till the last minute to shave, I wait till the last minute to put the shirt on 'cause you feel fresh. These are rules to live by, shave last minute, haircut the day-of, maybe some tanning and the gym. You gotta do the guido handbook.
I left the club early because I didn't want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I felt like eating ham and drinkin' water. Ham.
Everybody at the Shore definitely knows The Situation. As far as I know, everybody loves The Situation, and if you don't love The Situation, I'm gonna make you love The Situation.
If a girl’s a slut, she should be abused.
Yo, I will cut your hair while you're sleeping!
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