Ciao, Italia

Ciao, Italia.
The Season Finale of Jersey Shore is bittersweet as the crew says goodbye to Italy but looks forward to going back to Jersey Shore. Mike’s woes with the rest of the house continues and even contemplates not returning to the show, but in the end, decides that he’s simply cut out to be the villain and will make the best of it.

Snooki: I head Mike, walking around, being a f***** weirdo.

Mike: How are you Snooki?

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Roonie: What ever bridges you’ve burned, try to fix them. If you can’t fix them, you gotta go.

Mike: If you don’t like me, I don’t care.

Ronnie: If he wants to act like Angelina, let him act like Angelina.

Pauly D: I’m on break!

Sammi: We can if you want. Ronnie: Right now? Sammi: Yeah!

Sammi: It’s a little weird because you don’t think to do it when everybody is home. But, what are you gonna do?

Pauly D: In house walk of shame. Yeah Buddy.

Pauly D: The whole house knows it took 5 minutes to get their smoosh on. No wonder Sam never smiles.

Mike: I’m not going back to Jersey … I make my decision and move forward.

Deena: Team Meatballs can take off.

Vinny: Tonight the opposite is happening. The drunker I get, the uglier the girls get. I need to bouce.

Deena: Down there was like a basement. I was getting boob sweat, I was getting cuca sweat.

Snooki: I’m having s3x with the couch right now.

Snooki: Are we that bad? (looking at drunk girl at club)

Deena: She just f***** my clutch. I don’t want to touch it.

Vinny: Meatball power is in full effect right now.

Pauly D: She’s OK. But she’s kinda like a guaranteed.

Pauly D: She has her tetas all out .. and she wants to get it in.

Deena: If it wasn’t for Meatball #2, Meatball #1 would be lost.

Jenni: Sleeping for 21 hours was such an unbelievable feeling. I feel 100% better.

Ronnie: I didn’t know Deena wore underwear, to be honest with you.

Ronnie: I’m fat kid inside, so I’m in heaven right now. (eating bar-b-q)

Vinny: Hell has froze over and the girls are cleaning up after dinner.

Vinny: Seeing Snooki cleaning is like seeing Mike with a condom: it just doesn’t happen.

Vinny: Maybe a little art and history. Or maybe a history of the arts.

Pauly D: This tour guide doesn’t know what he’s getting into.

Mike: I wear my heart on my sleeve … You’re not going to take advantage of The Situation any more.

Snooki: We have to do the tour today and I’m not excited about it. (Isn’t that why they went to Italy?)

Snooki: History is not my thing. Walking around is not my thing.

Jenni: Can I use the bano? I’m gonna p** myself.

Deena: The statute is pretty sexy. I would do it. (talking about statute of David)

Snooki: So, they are real? The babies with wings.

Tour Guide: What do you mean are they real? They are characters of mythology.

Pauly D: It’s beautiful, huh babe? (arm around Vinny, looking at Sunset)

Vinny: Jenni’s been mad calm this year.

Mike: I apologize.

Jenni: I gotta piss.

Vinny: What are you starting with the little kids for? What is wrong with you, bro?

Snooki: We decided to put all the plants on the table to a make a little amazon jungle.

Snooki: Mamoma Party!

Vinny: I know that Mike, deep down, is a good person but Mike’s personality is a hard one to deal with.

Jenni: Sayonara Italy.

Mike: I have no problem being the villian. I’ll take the whole house at once.

Mike: Say hello to the bad guy.

Situation Problems – Quotes from S4E11

Poor Mike. This episode he gets alienated from the group. As Vinny points out, just about everything has been thrown at him from at least each of the other cast members. Mike, meanwhile believes everyone is out to get him because he is “strong.”


Vinny : Want to cuddle? (after Snooki got in trouble with her boyfriend)

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Deena : Me and Pauly should do sex.


Pauly D : I gotta bring home a girl so Deena doesn’t come into my bed. I’m not trying to smoosh Deena.


Pauly D : Yo, I need to get a girl so Deena doesn’t f*** me tonight.


Unkown girl at club: I”m really shy … I got a d*ldo today!


Pauly D : You’re not supposed to touch a guy’s hair. | Girl: I can touch whatever the f*** I want.


Pauly D : I struck out tonight [and] I see the condition that Deena is in. I, myself, am in trouble!


Deena : Why? [can’t Pauly have sex with her] | Vinny: He’s on his period.


Vinny : Deena is h0rny. Pauly is defitnetly part of the I.F.F. right now.


Pauly D : You’re gonna have all kinds of crazy feelings. I know how girls get.


Vinny : The real reason [Pauly doesn’t want to sleep with Deena] … Pauly doesn’t like meatballs.


Deena : I’m a good f*** … I only have sex with guys that I care about.


Pauly D : I feel bad though. I should have f***** her.


Snooki : All I want to do is drink with my nipple.


Snooki : Usually, when normal people fall they get really embarrased. Me, I just get up, cover up my cuca, and I just start dancing again. Party

doesn’t stop.


Pauly D : Anybody dumm enough to leave a toothbrush on a counter this dirty, deserves it. (it was Mike’s toothbrush)


Deena : Go hard or go home.


Pauly D : Dena, I would knock the dust off that p***** if we weren’t friends


Jenni “JWOWW”: [shakes head in disbelief] | Snooki: Is my vag*** out?


Sammi “Sweetheart”: You’re in mom mode like me. (watching team meatballs dancing)


Mike “The Situation”: I see you! I see you! Mangia … you. [Mike’s fighting words. mangia = eat]


Vinny : Mike only acts tough when there’s people around to hold back the fight.


Pauly D : I’m into girls. I’m not into drama, so I’m ready to go home.


Snooki : My nipp13’s out.


Deena : They were making fun of us. Maybe it was the boobs. (What?)


Deena : I wish bro. I wish bro. (Bartender threw ice cubes at Team Meatballs)


Ronnie: I feel like I’m in a snoopy episode: blah blah blah blah blah


Jenni “JWOWW”: I would rather sleep with Sammi. Go figure.


Snooki : Being kicked out of the club? Meatball problems.


Snooki : Burning your cuca in the Jacuzzi? Meatball problems.


Snooki : We’re not hookers, we’re just from Jersey.


Pauly D : Holy, leopard skin. (upon seeing Snooki)


Pauly D : Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. With me in the house, you don’t need a fire alarm.


Mike “The Situation”: Be a woman. Do something. (talking to Deena)


Deena : I can lose weight for free. You need about 10 grand to fix your face. (to Mike)


Vinny : You know people don’t like you if every day: you get punched in the face, you have to run into a wall, champaign bottles thrown at

your head, and then spatulas.


Sammi “Sweetheart”: Me and Jenni don’t always get along cause we’re b**ches.


Vinny : Let’s give a round of applause to Ron and Sam.


Vinny : MIke brings drama into different situations … We[Vinny/Pauly] are not like that, we’re drama free.


Mike “The Situation”: That’s why they like to gang up against me. Cause I’m strong.


Pauly D : My man Vinny, loves me. We have a bromance.


Mike “The Situation”: I’m locked in the bathroom. Someone want to help me?


Ronnie: [Mike] actually used his head for once. Not like he did on the wall, but he used his head.


Pauly D : Yo, I got the freshest blowout in Firenze.


Deena : I think you have the ONLY blowout.


Mike “The Situation”: You turn around and you know who your friends are … and it’s just me.

Three Men And A Snooki – Season 4 Episode 9

Snooki and Jionni continue their argument over Snooki being Snooki. Seriously, all of the girls are correct in supporting Snooki by taking note that she is only being herself and Jionni shouldn’t be upset at her behavior. Except for the fact that Snooki ends up with Vinny at the end of the episode which proves Jionni right. We also see Deena blaming her constant dizziness on potentially being pregnant, and Mike stirring up Snooki by telling her that Ronnie urged him to fight Jionni.

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Ronnie: I’m wearing the same jeans I wore the last night out. How do you think I am?


Pauly D : When I know people are hung over … I start yelling, I get loud, and I start messing with people.


Snooki : Como se diche: Where’s my boyfriend?


Snooki : Don’t look at me like I’m a f*ck*n weirdo. I’m heart broken. So let me dance.


Deena : Are you kidding me. I don’t know what’s like been in that toilet.


Snooki : Why did he leave me? Dad: Honey, I understand .. Snooki: No! You don’t understand. (Yelling at her dad because her boyfriend left her?)


Snooki : I need to change myself to f****** get married, I swear.


Snooki : No one can f***** handle me.


Jenni “JWOWW”: You’re not being Sam right now because in 10 minutes you’re gonna change your mind. (The look on Sam’s face is priceless)


Sammi “Sweetheart”: She’s definetly having a Sam moment.


Pauly D : Don’t look at me. (Deena finds pyramid on her bed)


Deena : Ewww. Get it off of me (Vinny chases her nekkid).


Snooki : Obviously, I have a lot of aggression to get out right now. (slams and chokes guy while dancing at club)


Deena : I have an emergency. I need a pregnancy test.


Deena : Everyday I get dizzy. I think that’s why I’ve been, like, freaking out. (Deena feels dizzy?)


Deena : I could go into that bathroom and be pregnant right now.


Jionni: Do I have to accept the fact that my f***** girlfriend was dancing like a pig in front of me?


Jionni: You’re drunk 7 days a week, you’re hooking up with girls, and you’re dancing your underwear out. That’s not you? (talking to Snooki)


Vinny : I told you. My sister took your tweezers.


Ronnie: Mike … sits on the corner with his glasses on and looks like the biggest creep ever.


Jenni “JWOWW”: [Mike’s] just trying to ruin someone’s relationship and get away with it.


Snooki : Can you cuddle without being a freak?

Where is My Boyfriend? – Season 4 Episode 8

Jionni is here… and now he’s gone. After waiting and waiting, Snooki and Jionni are finally reunited. Her prince charming flew thousands of miles to come see here in Italy and find love and marriage right? Well, not really. Only 6 hours after showing up, Snooki embarrasses Jionni at the club and he is gone as fast as he came. Snooki is a mess, Mike is acting crazy, and the house isn’t sure what to do. Sprinkled in the larger theme of this weeks episode, JWOWW’s boyfriend wasn’t able to make it over to see her, Snooki pulls a prank on Mike with Brittany, and Mike is ready to fight anyone who breathes in his direction! Italy or Jersey, drama will always be there!

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Snooki : I don’t want to go in the back of a cop car ever again.


Snooki : There like coming right here why can’t you just wait? (to the cop)


Snooki : This is so embarrassing, I don’t want to do this again.


Snooki : I’m not allowed to drive in Italy anymore, they took my license.


Snooki : Now it’s like I need a cocktail.


Snooki : I went to jail… again!


Snooki : (On the phone with Jionni) I ran into a cop car. Jionni: Were you drunk?


Snooki : I could only imagine if Jionni’s like I can’t come. I jump off this f*#king balcony onto the street and kill myself.


Snooki : Dude she’s such a dumb blond (talking about Brittany).


Snooki : Dude like I thought I was psycho and crazy, this bitch is beyond psycho and crazy, I don’t even know what to call it, like you’re a wildebeest (talking about Brittany).


Snooki : Oh god I’m gonna poo my pants I’m so excited.


Snooki : Mike sees Brittany and he’s like, what the hell is going on, and I’m like yep hi I did that.


Snooki : Your welcome Mike you f$#king fruit loop.


Snooki : So my prank on Mike backfires, I mean I’m kinda pissed off about it.


Snooki : He hasn’t seen me in like a month so I don’t want him to think I’m fat or like pale or gross.


Snooki : I look like a cop, but Jionni’s gonna think I’m hot because my t#$s are out.


Snooki : Oh my god, Jionni is like my world. Jionni is like crocadilly but alive.


Snooki : I really don’t care to introduce him to anybody, everybody knows who he is. I don’t want to give him the tour because I’m so f$%king horny.


Snooki : I shouldn’t have said that, but, his wiener is tan, and I love it.


Snooki : Jionni: Your balls are out. Snooki: My balls aren’t out shut up.


Snooki : Me and Jionni, we’re gonna have guido babies I know it. I can’t wait to pop those suckers out, they’re gonna be so f$#king cute and tan.


Snooki : I hope I have a c-section because I don’t want it to f#$k up my va$#na


Snooki : If Mike says anything to Jionni, I’m legit gonna punch Mike in the face.


Snooki : Jionni: You’re dancing like a f%$king whore (to Snooki).


Snooki : Where’s my boyfriend? I don’t deserve this right now (drunk looking for Jionni after he left her at the club).


Snooki : I hate you, you’re so mean (to Jionni).


Pauly D : Anything could happen, they could kick us out of Italy. We’re all F#@ked (talking about Snooki’s car crash).


Pauly D : Bye Fiat (to Snookis car).


Pauly D : Did your life flash before your eyes? (to Snooki and Deena)


Pauly D : Yo, you f*#cked up my Fiat girl (to Snooki).


Pauly D : Oh it’s on tonight.


Pauly D : Hey Brittany.


Pauly D : I’m getting nervous now (to Snooki about Jionni coming).


Pauly D : Snooki if he really was here, that was a poor response time, you should never keep a man waiting.


Pauly D : Yo this girl was crying waiting for you son (to Jionni).


Pauly D : Jionni knew what he was getting himself into. He should be more secure. That’s no way to handle your problems my dude.


Pauly D : Who do I have to f$%k around here to get a hotdog? Not you I hope.


Mike “The Situation”: I would have to say the club had so much better ratio between hotdog buns and hotdogs that I am determined to get it in tonight.


Mike “The Situation”: I see a foot in my bed.


Mike “The Situation”: Oh my god aye (to the Australian chick about Brittany being in the bed).


Mike “The Situation”: Uh… this is gonna be tough to get out of.


Mike “The Situation”: I got this Australian chick who I have to find out if she’s DTF. Brittany’s already in my bed.


Mike “The Situation”: So I just say hey, I’ve already got a bun in the oven, no need to warm another one up. Time to go home Australian chick.


Mike “The Situation”: That guy is very curious about me. I don’t like it (about Jionni).


Mike “The Situation”: Anyone comes close to me asking questions, I’m kicking them.


Mike “The Situation”: I’m letting you know I think he already knows, and if he come up to me Ima tell him the truth, like detail for detail and if he come to close, I’m kicking him.


Mike “The Situation”: Between me and you, I’ve never been caught with my guard down. Like if Jionni came up to me and winked, I’d kick him in his head (to JWOWW).


Mike “The Situation”: I don’t want to like, kick your boyfriend in the head, but I feel like he’s looking at me. Is there a problem? (to Snooki)


Mike “The Situation”: On the surface Jionni looks like a nice kid, but at the end of the day, that kid was a f$%king wankster.


Vinny : I don’t see Nicole, all I see is the car getting towed away and I don’t know what that means, I don’t know if Nicole’s locked up, I mean she hit a cop.


Vinny : Snooki come here! Door bell!


Vinny : We don’t want any get the hell outta here (when Snooki and Jionni ring the bell).


Vinny : Mike ever since he got into the fight with Ronnie, he thinks he has to have his guard up all the time, and by his guard, I mean his feet.


Vinny : Because of what happened with Snooki and Mike in the past, Mike’s having an imaginary confrontation in his head right now.


Vinny : Jionni, the fact that your getting upset that Nicole did something a little skanky, is like ridiculous.


Vinny : You know what you can do, get you’re a$$ in the kitchen and make me a f$%king cheeseburger.


Jenni “JWOWW”: Spread your legs (to Snooki as she spray tans her butt).


Jenni “JWOWW”: Nicole is like strutting new outfits every single 5 seconds… that’s night time.


Jenni “JWOWW”: You never fought, you hit yourself (to Mike).


Jenni “JWOWW”: I can’t wait for Mike to like, kick in the air and slip on a banana and like break his ankle.


Jenni “JWOWW”: Well, at least I get to say I walked f#$king Florence barefoot.


Ronnie: Haha high five to that one (Jionni pulling Snooki’s dress up).


Ronnie: Snooki’s dress looks like a swimsuit to be honest with you. It doesn’t even come below her cuca like at all.


Deena : Mike’s new thing is karate. I’m like alright Mike, do your think kung fu panda.

Sammi “Sweetheart”: I really have to pee bad.

Meatball Mashup – Season 4 Episode 7

Team Meatballs (Nicole and Deena), and the crew, drive off to Riccione where Deena and Nicole get to know each other a little better. This Episode is all about Team Meatballs as they show us how to get your party on. No Sammi/Ronnie drama in this episode, but Ronnie steals Pauly D’s swagger. Towards the end, Snooki drives into a cop and gets taken away.

Pizza Boss: I lost my many pieces of my brain in that place. (talking about Riccione beach)

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Jenni “JWOWW”: I’m dying to wear my bikini and see what guys look like in Speedo’s.


Ronnie: When I said Riccione, Marco’s eyes lit up. Ohhh Riccione! That’s gotta be a good place.


Jenni “JWOWW”: An Italian beach, does that mean nudity? (Reply from Snooki): Does that mean ding-dongs hanging out?


Pauly D : You do realize we got a fiat right? (about too much luggage for size of cars)


Ronnie: What the fiat!


Deena : Us meatballs we’re short. We can barely touch the pedals in these stupid cars.


Deena : I have to Jersey Turnpike on the Firenze Turnpike.


Mike “The Situation”: Holy Riccione. Holy Macarroni.


Snooki : It looks like Hawaii. So I feel like it’s an island. Or maybe it’s like on the border of like a continent. You know what I
mean? So it’s like by Ocean.


Pauly D : Look at the Italian flag. I feel like I’m in Italy. (Yes, they ARE in Italy)


Deena : Did you just have an 0rgasm? Cause I did. (referring to drink)


Girls: Blast in the glass! Blast in the glass!


Girls: Do you know what a cuca is? A cuca is another name for the v@gina. (teaching bartender)


Snooki : How do you say v@gina in Italian? “Vajin”.


Deena : Drunk shopping is never good.


Snooki : Jenni, your cheeks are out. (Nicole and Deena are being obnoxious to Sammi and Jenni)


Snooki : It feels like heaven. Like the gods have spoke and we hear music.


Snooki : We like to drink. We like to Party. It’s team meatballs.


Snooki : I couldn’t stop, you b&tch. (Toro rushing Deena and falls into bushes)


Jenni “JWOWW”: Deena is showing her cuca to the whole entire club.


Snooki : Team Meatballs can handle anything when it comes to alcohol. So we’re gonna go mad hard all day then mad hard at
the club.


Mike “The Situation”: Deena and Snooki are the meatballs and they’re not making it to the sauce.


Pauly D : Yo, I’ve never danced my underwear off in my life!


Ronnie: We watched them get drunk for two hours straight. I watched Snooki run head straight first into a bush like Mike ran

into a wall.


Snooki : Stick with me and we’ll be fine. If we both get crazy, it’s not a big deal.


Jenni “JWOWW”: This sounds like the cab ride home. Tonight is gonna be one of those nights. I already know.


Jenni “JWOWW”: She has no underwear.


Deena : What ever! I forgot to put underwear on.


Jenni “JWOWW”: It’s bad enough a nipple slips at the club but you’re never supposed to forget your underwear.


Jenni “JWOWW”: Nicole and Deena are digesting each other’s tongues. I want to throw up.


Snooki : I’m the best kisser on this whole planet.


Pauly D : Hey Deena. Stop making a scene and Lezz go.


Pauly D : Ronnie Swacked my wake up call … Swacked is when you get your swagger jacked.


Pauly D : What ever I say, wear or do, Ronnie does the exact same thing … Sometimes the stuff I do is contagious so I
understand.


Jenni “JWOWW”: I wish I had the men in black zapper to undo the whole night …
I cannot accept the fact that Deena and Nicole hooked up like that.


Pizza Boss: It’s a dog. Oh no, it’s your shoes. (talking about Snooki’s boots)


Snooki : I feel like nobody should have cars here in Italy. They don’t know how to drive. (right before crashing into cop)

Fist Pump, Push-Ups, Chapstick – Season 4 Episode 6

Mike is starting to recover from his fight with the wall, Ron and Sam are getting along again, and there are two new roommates, Joey D (Pauly’s guido alter-ego) and Louie (Vinny’s guido alter-ego). Everything seems to be somewhat normal in the GTL household, but will it last?? Seems like everyone is trying to get Snooki to break up with Jionni, but she is in love with him, will Ron and Sam really be able to stay together without fighting, and how will things play out with Mike’s constant drama and the rest of the house dealing with it? Italy is where it’s at right now!!

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Mike “The Situation”: At least I know from now on not to bang my head into a wall anymore.


Mike “The Situation”: I feel helpless, I can’t eat, I can’t GTL, I’m upset man.


Pauly D : Mike’s neckbrace, it’s kinda funny. He’s moping around, he’s wasting his time in Italy. Stop milking that s%#t.


Vinny : Can you see me I’m over here, now I’m over here, I’m over here (making fun of Mike with Pauly D).


Vinny : Don’t be fu#$ing dramatic. Vinny and Pauly together: Drama freak.


Melissa (Mike’s sister): listen to me, you ran into a wall, that’s a crazy move (to Mike).


Pauly D : You got your neck brace bro? (to Vinny)


Jenni “JWOWW”: There was not one injury on him from the fight, so he did it to himself.


Jenni “JWOWW”: I feel like, how can you get sympathy on a self inflicted injury?


Mike “The Situation”: Like I don’t know who the f#$k I thought I was, but I ran into a concrete wall.


Snooki : It smells like pig butt.


Snooki : Priest: can you cover your body please when you come in front of church (to Snooki). Snooki: shut up… a$$hole!


Snooki : The priest was like, cover up when you come to my church, or he basically just called me a whore. At my church they’d be like, oh nice outfit.


Snooki : god likes my tits, god made tits.


Jenni “JWOWW”: god didn’t make mine (talking about her fake boobs).


Snooki : You make me happy, you make me laugh, and I want to suck your butt (to Jionni).


Snooki : Me I’m the total opposite I don’t give a f*&k what people think about me. I peed my pants in public, I’m still not be embarrassed.


Ronnie: I want you to put nutella on my toes and suck them right now Jionii (talking to Snooki about her and Jionni) Snooki: well not my toes…


Pauly D : You’re the only girl I let touch my hair right (to Deena).


Pauly D : Nobody touches my hair.


Pauly D : My hair’s sacred, it’s like my sacred crown. It means a lot to me.


Deena : Pauly looks hot with his new hair style. I’d totally f@#king bang him.


Pauly D : Yo I look like them guidos on TV that are like trying too hard.


Deena : What’s your name? Pauly: I’m your new roommate Joey D.


Pauly D : Joey D, taking over Italy, Pauly D’s a clown, yeahhhh buddy.


Vinny : We are dressing like ultimate guidos right now, and no one knows more about guido tool bags then us.


Pauly D : You got your chapstick bro? (to Vinny)


Pauly D : Yo do I got enough chapstick on Louie? (to Vinny)


Pauly D : Louie, you’re gonna get all the girls.


Pauly D : I’m gonna f@#cking fist pump till my f&*king arm falls off.


Pauly D : Fist pump like this Louie.


Pauly D : Oh you hit me in the eye Louie, how many times I gotta f&*cking tell you, don’t fist pump next to my eye (to Vinny).


Pauly D : FPC, fist pump, pushups, chapstick!


Pauly D : FPC is a way of life. I’m a guido.


Jenni “JWOWW”: You are like every guy I’ve ever dated (to Pauly when dressed like a guido).


Pauly D : If I have to hear Ronnie and Sammi fight one more time, I will smash my head against the wall.


Vinny : It’s like listening to the same annoying record over and over and over (about Ron and Sam fighting).


Pauly D : Mike decided to smash his head against the wall he got sick of it so much, I’m about to do the same thing (about Ron and Sam fighting).


Mike “The Situation”: I shouldn’t have said anything to Ron, maybe I should have said it to Pauly (trying to apologize to Snooki).


Mike “The Situation”: Maybe I should’ve kept my mouth shut, but I still care about the girl and I tried to man up (about Snooki).


Snooki : Dude, it’s like talking to a wall with Mike, f$%king weirdo.


Mike “The Situation”: I’m so excited to go out tonight. I haven’t been out in days. It’s gonna be a situation.


Ronnie: Crazy legs comes out, and I’m killing it on the dance floor, and I eat it so hard that like I hurt my knee


Snooki : I saw you make that face… and I’m going to f$%king punch you. Don’t make that face at me (talking to a girl at the club).


Snooki : I’m just like don’t f*&k with my b$%ch. If you f%#k with Deena, I will hurt you.


Deena : Team meatballs attack.


Snooki : I’m pulling this girl’s hair and she’s pulling my hair, and I realize it’s my meatball Deena.


Vinny : Yo you fought each other idiots, you two were fighting each other (laughing at Snooki and Deena).


Vinny : That was my favorite thing, when you two started fighting each other.


Deena : Falling drunk, you know it’s like, BEEP, and then you’re bleeding, and you’re like freaking all cut up.


Deena : Elis is definitely not getting the golden ticket.


Pauly D : Poor guy struck out twice (talking about Elis and Deena).


Snooki : I blacked out, what happened?


Jenni “JWOWW”: We were about to f$#king intervene you’re a$$ (to Snooki about her and Jionni).


Snooki : You don’t do a f%$king intervention. I’m not addicted to heroin, I’m just addicted to by boyfriends penis, that’s all.

And The Wall Won – Season 4 Episode 5

The “big” fight has finally happened. Looks like they should have been airing commercials about Mike versus the Wall instead! Sammi and Ronnie are back at it and it seems like it is getting worse by the minute. Snooki and her boyfriend are getting along, but will it last? And as always, Pauly D and Vinnie are staying FTD. Season 4 in Italy is starting to heat up. Looks like the break did the cast good, they got along great for a while, but tensions are are starting to rise!


Mike “The Situation”: He didn’t hurt me, there was not one scratch on my pretty face. All those muscles, didn’t do s*#t too me (talking about fight with Ron)

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Vinny : Your boy’s been waiting to do that for so long (to Pauly about Ron and Mike fight).


Pauly D : To be honest with you, he didn’t do s%&t really (about Ron fighting)


Pauly D : I don’t think either of them can fight. I mean I know Mike used to take karate and Ronnies got big muscles or whatever.


Pauly D : Mike knocked himself out. I think Mike tried to commit suicide by running his head up against the wall.


Mike “The Situation”: I hit my head against a concrete wall… it hurts.


Snooki : I’m like dude, I know you don’t want to feel like a low life and you got you’re a&$ beat, but you need to go to the hospital to make sure your f@#king ok.


Jenni “JWOWW”: I don’t want him to die (about mike).


Vinny : The craziest thing is that like he’s in the hospital and it wasn’t even from the fight.


Vinny : Like he f#*king knocked himself out into the wall… what the f@#k?!? (Talking about Mike).


Snooki : I used to get that all the time from cheerleading (talking about concussions). Vinny – you sure you didn’t get that when you blackedout drunk and fell? Snooki – well that happens too.

Sammi “Sweetheart”: Be honest all you want, but I just don’t want anything to do with you ever again in my entire life (to Ronnie).


Vinny : All this crazy s#$t is going on, you know I got roommates in the hospital, I got f@#king fights, I got psychological talks that I’m having with people, and I got florist calling me telling me that they have deliveries of flowers for the girls. It’s the last thing that I want to hear right now.

Florist – I call this afternoon. Vinny – yes, si. Florist – ok but uh… Vinny – graci (then hangs up).

 


Mike “The Situation”: The doc’s prognosis was a light concussion also combined with a neck sprain as well.


Mike “The Situation”: Yeah I’m all right, just a little head trauma little sprain, little this little that.


Mike “The Situation”: That’s not good because for the next couple days, I can’t GTL. I’m upset man.


Mike “The Situation”: The conflict between me and Ron is unsettled. At any time it could pop off. I won’t hesitate to fight him and he won’t hesitate to fight me because nobody got the better of each other in round one.


Snooki : it’s like cute adorable roses from Jionni and it has a little bunny inside, and I’m just like… meh.


Vinny : Now that we know that Mike had no serious problem and it was just like a blow to the head, our house kinda is back to normal, not that it’s a good normal, but if it wasn’t f%$ked up it wouldn’t be our house right.


Pauly D : What comes to mind when I think about Ron and Sam is like me throwing up.

Jionni – I’m sexually frustrated. Snooki – Are you, I was until I had fun in the shower then I was like buurrmm bye.

 


Snooki : I want your balls (to Jionni).


Mike “The Situation”: I didn’t even really listen to her apology too much because it is Sam’s fault we fought and I just went through a wall. I can’t hear that s&$t.


Mike “The Situation”: I have a big heart and if somebody else in the house was hurt, I’d be checking on them you know what I mean, but nobody was really checking on me really that much.


Jenni “JWOWW”: When I see Mike and his neck brace, I feel like he’s doing an insurance claim right now.


Pauly D : When I see Mike with his neck brace, I’m like oh my God he’s got his gasses on like always and the neck brace. You don’t wear sunglasses with a neck brace. He looks ridiculous.

Sammi “Sweetheart”: I was mature by putting stuff on Ron’s bed but throwing it out is going a little too far.


Snooki : Don’t leave without me or I’ll never talk to you guys again.


Ronnie: You alright? Mike “The Situation”: I didn’t realize that wall was so hard.


Mike “The Situation”: I try to be the peacemaker in this house. Even though I know we could fight at any instant, I still respect the kid.


Mike “The Situation”: I might as well get the pain out of the way now. (Talking about why he puts his head through walls in fights)


Mike “The Situation”: I didn’t know that s*&t was cement. That s&%t doesn’t even have a dent on it (talking about wall he head butted).


Ronnie: What? That doesn’t even make sense. I don’t think I would’ve put you in the hospital… the wall put you in the hospital. (Talking about Mike’s comments about banging his head on the wall)


Deena : I don’t know about you but I plan on drinking at this bar.


Ronnie: Mikes home still dealing with his issues and trying to find a way to apologize to the wall I guess.


Pauly D : It’s finally starting to feel like I’m out with single Ronnie. He’s got that look in his face like he’s gonna creep or whatever.


Pauly D : This guy’s wasted right now (pointing at Ronnie).


Pauly D : What’s up baby I’ll f!#k you up. What’s up baby let’s do it let’s do it let’s do it (to guy in club).


Pauly D : I think he was jealous I was dancing with that girl. Maybe it was his girlfriend that’s probably why.


Mike “The Situation”: Me and Snooks… she was a little mad at me I was a little mad at her, and after a trip to the hospital, we realize that at the end of the day we love each other so… I don’t think Nicole and Jionni are meant for each other.


Vinny : We’re trying to get Ronnie to push up on some girls in the club.


Vinny : If Ron brings another girl home Sammis gonna flip out cause that will just start another war, but a man has needs, what is he gonna wait, two months to do it? I don’t think so.


Ronnie: When I give you flowers, don’t ask me if I brought home another girl.

Sammi “Sweetheart”: I’m just all, I feel all f$&ked up in the head at this point.

The Calm before the Storm – Season 4 Episode 4

In Season 4 Episode 4 of Jersey Shore, we see Ronnie and Sammi acting like a loving couple. He buys her gifts, they have dinner, etc. They actually start to look like a normal couple. However, that is simply the “calm before the storm” as Sammi quickly turns jealous for no valid reason and starts up drama when Ronnie is dancing and having a good time at the Yab club. Afterwards, Sammi was trying to save face by putting the spotlight on Mike’s earlier comments (which were unrelated to the night’s events). The episode is actually titled “Crime and Punishment” but it seems we have to wait until next week to actually see Ronnie handing out some “justice.”

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Mike “The Situation”: It was supposed to be a Ménage à Twin, but my whole menagery went awry.


Vinny : It was called a tag team, not tag rob. (about Deena stealing Twin)


Mike “The Situation”: Sometimes the truth hurts. But, I’m going to bring truth to the people. I’m the people’s champ.


Snooki : Vinny had your sloppy seconds. (talking to Deena)


Pauly D : Come on. Lesbionic. Lesbehonest (taunting Deena)


Snooki : Let’s have babies. (to Jionni on the phone)


Snooki : My bazooka’s out.


Mike “The Situation”: Erica’s called but I don’t know who she’s called for, Vinny or you [Deena].


Ronnie: Robina. (talking about Deena)


Mike “The Situation”: Deena has a criminal record of c@$blocking now. This is a serious offense and is going to be on her record for at least 7 years.


Mike “The Situation”: If somebody’s in somebody’s bed, you don’t go and grab them.


Deena : I’m not a c@#blocker. I gave her back afterwards.


Jenni “JWOWW”: [Ackward Silence] “So what else is going on?”


Pauly D : Sometimes my jokes are harsh. (to Deena)


Snooki : This is going to be a miserable job. So, let’s get our buzz on.


Snooki : Thank god for Deena. Otherwise, we would end up in Rome. (on their way to Pizza place)


Pauly D : Passing out flyers is the best way to meet girls … I should get a commission for this .. Yeahh buddy!


Pauly D : Nikky your pizza is ready. [Nikky walks up] Nikky! What are you doing? Sleeping? (Pauly D’s version of customer service)


Snooki : Just meatballs in a bag. (talking to her boss when she and Deean jump into a garbage bag)


Deena : I have my periodozo. (Excuse while drinking wine with Snooki and hiding from boss)


Deena : Did you just get p00ped on [by a pidgeon]? That’s good luck. (talking to Pauly D)


Ronnie: Me and Sammi talking when we’re drunk is like throwing kerosene to the fire.


Mike “The Situation”: Two guys, two girls. Seems like a party to me.


Pauly D : (Giving girls a tour of home and pointing to Ronnie) That’s what happens when you take steroids.


Ronnie: I’m tired of you trying to check me .. Get out! (Talking to Sammi. Not a funny quote, but memorable.)

Like More Than a Friend – Season 4 Episode 2

Jersey Shore Season 4 Episode 2 – Like More Than A Friend

Things are heating up in Italy! The best of Season 4 Episode 2 quotes are listed here. If we’ve missed any or you have anything to add, post your comments.

 


Pauly D : We ended up making out. It was fine, she’s a good kisser im a good kisser (about Deena).

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Vinny : In the words of Pauly D, this is the best day of my life ( after Dauly kisses Deena).


Deena : My game plan is: flirt with Pauly, make out with him a couple of times, then who knows, maybe his Italian sausage will be in my *#$%.


Snooki : He just keeps touching me its gross (referring to Mike “The Situation”).


Snooki : Please f@$# Deena (to Pauly).


Pauly D : I’m probably going to but, i’m gonna feel bad though talking to Snooki about smushing Deena).


Deena :If I do sex with him, it is what it is (taking to Jenni “JWOWW” about Pauly D).


Pauly D : I’ve [never] met a girl in my life that can just hook up and have no feelings. They always end up having feelings.


Jenni “JWOWW”: I definitely think Pauly and Deena are gonna smush, it just really comes down to timing.


Pauly D : if you hook up with Deena tonight bro, I would appreciate it (to Vinny).


Deena : Suck d@$k for skittles (and then she falls).


Jenni “JWOWW”: Where’s the nearest bathroom. I’m trying not to pi$s in public. Again. (after getting home from the club).


Mike “The Situation”: If Jionni can’t make Snooki happy, The Situation is happy to step up to the plate and hit a home run.


Jenni “JWOWW”: Making coffee in Italy is like making cofee in the 1600’s.


Pauly D : Who comes to Italy to sleep? Not me.


Vinny : Nice windbreaker bro (to Pauly).


Vinny : It looks like beauty and the beast. I feel like people are gonna start singing out their windows (while walking down the street).


Deena : God. Everything is in another language. (shopping at the store in Italy).


Deena : Is that wheat, is this wheat, is this wheat (in the grocery store looking for bread).


Deena : Deena: I’m really proud of myself for not falling last night. She fell at least twice).

Sammi “Sweetheart”: These are like weird strawberries are these good like this? (Deena: yeah those are like raspberries).


Jenni “JWOWW”: Nicole still sleeping? (GUYS: What? She’s here?)


Mike “The Situation”: You put the pasta in before it boils? (Deena: Don’t worry, we got a drainer).


Vinny : The girls are out and I’m starting to suspect they’re not going to cook dinner. (The girls told they guys they would cook. Instead, the girls ate out and left the guys to starve).


Mike “The Situation”: I hear Snooki talking to Jionni on the phone she was upset, but The Situation is very good when it comes to relationship advice. (comment after hearing Snooki upset on phone with her BF).


Snooki : I legit wake up at like 3 o’clock in the afternoon (talking to Jionni on the phone).


Jenni “JWOWW”: We’re working at a f@#king pizzeria in Florence. When I’m 80 years old and I’m making pizza in my kitchen and I’m teaching my kids how to make pizza and they ask me, oh, where’d you make pizza, bitch I made it in Florence, that’s where I made pizza so shut your mouth and enjoy my pizza.


Snooki : Like I don’t speak Italian, how the f*&k am I supposed to know how to cook a pizza.


Snooki : oooo its soft, like a baby’s butt (talking about pizza dough).


Ronnie: Snooks made the first pizza pie, came out pretty good. I mean if Snooki can do it, we all can do it, you know what I mean.


Snooki : Mike, she’s really ugly (talking about the girl Situation is talking to).


Jenni “JWOWW”: Is this the Vatican? (An obvious no).


Pauly D : Como se dice “Lost”? (On their way to work at Pizza place).

Sammi “Sweetheart”: It looks like a Domino’s version of Italy pizza.


Pauly D : I’m loud. Is that alright? (yelling at pizza place).


Vinny : She loves hot salami. (talking about Snooki while they’re being taught how to make pizza).


Pauly D : Holy tan line. (Looking at Deena’s booty).


Deena : It’s not my fault that my butts big.


Ronnie: I’m the pimp daddy mac of this whole place.


Mike “The Situation”: Now do you need me to call your friend to pick you up, or, I can definitely give you a taxi (talking to the girl he just smushed).


Snooki : Toodles whore (talking to situations girl).


Pauly D : This match with the gold glasses and the gold watch… yeah buddy, fresh from the feet up.


Snooki : I love Rome… I mean Italy.


Deena : What’s that church called that starts with a v? Ronnie: Vatican, that’s the one that Leonardo de Vinci painted with his hand. Vinny says: I’m pretty sure that was Michael Angelo.


Mike “The Situation”: I’m the type of dude that likes to have a plan b or a backup plan and my back up plan was Brittany.


Mike “The Situation”: Brittany is one of the most DTF chicks I’ve ever met, and she’ll be here in 20 minutes.


Pauly D : Yo Vinny, want some chap-stick? (Get’s up to get Deena off his lap).


Pauly D : Fist pumping pinochio. (Playing with puppet).


Pauly D : Yo, if she still [has] coloring books … she’s too young for you, man.


Vinny : If she’s got a basket on her bicycle… she’s too young for you man.


Pauly D : If she still has the parental controls on her TV … she’s too young for you bro.


Vinny : If she only owns Snow White on DVD … she’s too young for man.


Pauly D : If his Keds still light up … he’s too young for you bro. (Says to Ronnie as Ronnie starts tapping his shoes on the ground).


Pauly D : If she still plays laser tag … she’s too young for you bro. (Jenni speaks out “That’s me”).


Ronnie: F@ck me in the a$$ with a spiked bat. I’d rather not do that. (Talking about getting back with Sammi).


Ronnie: I didn’t get a barber. I got a butcher. (after getting a haircut from Vinny).

Going to Italia – Season 4 Episode 1

Jersey Shore goes to Italy! The best of Season 4 Episode 1 quotes are listed here. If we’ve missed any or you have anything to add, post your comments.


Pauly D : When I get to Italy is like an international panty raid. I’m going crazy.

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Snooki : Italy is like that big country, or no, Europe is that big country and then you have like Britain in there and England and Italy.


Deena : I figure an Italian guy in a Vespa is like a hot guy here on a street bike. (Group of girls: “Yeahhhhhh.”)


Deena : In Italy, I’m expecting I’ll bring a guy home, but I won’t do sex, you know, just like figure them out, and then do sex later.


Vinny : No granata per favore. (practicing in front of mirror)


Vinny : This time I’m mature with the beard.


Snooki : I have no idea where Italy is on the map, but I do know what shape it is, and it’s like a boot.


Snooki : You think they sell eyelashes in Italy. It’s kind of like another world. I don’t know what goes on in there. (while packing her suitcase)


Snooki : I need panties, unless you want me to go commando. (talking to her boyfriend who is helping her pack a box full of panties. Literally.)


Snooki : I think he’s a little scared with Vinny but I reassued him. It’s definetaly not going to happen. I’m not going to be an idiot and F@ck this up. (while holding garment that reads “I Love Vinny”)


Snooki : We’re trying to get to Italy, then we land and realize we’re in Germany like Dusseldorf.

Mike “The Situation”: Lock up your daughters, handcuff your wives. The Situation is taking over the Italian nation.

Mike “The Situation”: The difference between an Italian girl and a Jersey girl is: European girls are more free spirited and I’m excited to find out.

Mike “The Situation”: If she lost some pounds, I’d hit it. (talking about Snooki losing weight)


Jenni “JWOWW”: JWOOW and her boobies are going to Italy.


Jenni “JWOWW”: I will be shocked … if I see a guerrilla in Italy.


Jenni “JWOWW”: I wouldn’t cheat on Roger in Italy, but I don’t even think they make 6 foot 4 juice heads with tattoos out there, so nobody has anything to worry about.


Ronnie: Fresh start in Italy. No more being a b*tch … No more of me and Sammi drama. (you can almost hear a sigh of relief from JS fans.)


Vinny : I’m going to find out the age on consent. (asked about first thing he’s going to do in Italy)


Snooki : I’ve got to convert my money… Is that where I get pesos?


Snooki : I feel like I’m gonna cry… I’m not kidding… I’m not really gonna cry I just feel like crying.


Pauly D : They like when I speak Italian. It’s my Italian-English accent.


Pauly D : Streets are so small and the alleys are so narrow, Ronnie’s not gonna be able to fit through the allies. He’s gonna have to turn himself sideways.


Ronnie : The roommate situation, it’s just like, I figured if me and Sam are together, we’re gonna smush, so let me not get myself into that situation.


Vinny : Yo, we got that thing that cleans your a$$ in here.


Snooki : My heart is racing and I smell like King Kong’s a@#hole. (after carrying bags up the stairs)


Deena : Maybe we can be smoosh buddies. You know, friends but with benefits. (talking about how Ronnie used to be her type, but now it’s Pauly D)


Snooki : We should get fake boobs together. I’m scared of needles. I just want them to not sag and the other one is bigger than the other and its really pissing me off. When I lay down they go to the side. It’s annoying.


Pauly D : Oh s$%t, it burnt out. I got a crisis … I almost had a big blow out. (Talking about blow dryer burning out due to difference in current)


Deena : What voltage is it? Cause if that’s 18-thousand, if your voltage is 16-hundred, you need a 2-thousand voltage. (About Pauly’s blow dryer burning out)


Pauly D : That’s breaking. (As Ronnie goes to sit on the side table)

Mike “The Situation” : I thought Snooks was single. (contemplating on the couch. With a touch of regret?)

Sammi “Sweetheart”: Nicole is in a relationship with Jionni. Mike wants to ruin that. It’s like a switch in his head. Like it’s a disease.


Pauly D : I’m gonna get everybody up. We need to hit GTL.


Pauly D : No more grenade whistle, it’s a grenade horn.


Snooki : Finally I’m useful for something because I’m not useful for anything in this house. I can drive stick. (Snooki talking about being able to drive a stick)


Vinny: The navigation system is in Italian. I don’t think the girls can understand the navigation system in English.


Snooki : Does this mean I stop? (pointing to an Italian road sign)


Deena : No way! I don’t freaking do birds. Like get off me. (After the girls get attacked by pigeons on the porch)


Snooki : These pigeons are ruthless in Italy. They will attack you and bite your ears off.


Vinny: Luigi is like the guido Mr. Miagi. He’s this old guy who doesn’t look like he’s worked out in his life … Yet he knows what he’s talking about. Wax on, wax off. Italian style. (talking about Gym instructor)


Pauly D : I don’t know where Snooki got these workouts from. It looks like she’s having sex with herself. I don’t know.


Ronnie : She’s gonna f#%k up that situation for this situation. I’m kind of iffy about that. (Snooki and Situation having a fling while she has a boyfriend)


Snooki : Woa… I can see your vagin@ (To JWOWW about her dress)


Pauly D : Holy tet@s (To Deena)


Pauly D : I’m a good time. I’m a blast in a bra. (acting like Deena)


Deena : This is better than DJais. And DJais is my best place… just saying. (Talking about Italy club)


Deena : Trying to communicate with these Italian men. Gonna be a lot of hand motions and shaking the butt.