One Man Down: Season 5 Episode 2

Another episode, more drama. Pauly loses his chain, Jionni gets mad at Snooki’s drinking, and Vinny leaves Seaside… wait what?!?! Vinny is gone?? That’s right, it looks like Vinny needs time away to deal with some of the internal issues he is going through. The house just won’t be the same without him…


Vinny : Bro I can’t f@#king function in this environment… I want to go home.

[adsense336x280]


Vinny : I’m burnt out, I’m pushing through but the car can only get so far on fumes.


Mike “The Situation”: I had met Paula the first summer in NJ, we were in the Jacuzzi together, and I think Paula may have fell down the stairs as well.


Mike “The Situation”: Paula’s looking smoking right now and not to be disrespectful, Paula’s a sweet girl but let’s be honest… it’s a sure thing.


Mike “The Situation”: Everybody’s running for their lives right now. (talking about storm)


Mike “The Situation”: I’m like yea, we share girls why can’t we share underwear (about giving Jionni a shirt).


Snooki : Mike has koodis, so that fact that my man is wearing mikes clothes I’m just like, uh, I hope their clean.


Mike “The Situation”: You need underwear? (to Jionni)


Mike “The Situation”: It’s very ironic, that Jionni’s borrowing my clothes and cooking in the kitchen right now for me, and Paula’s just sitting there waiting… now that’s a situation.


Mike “The Situation”: But uh, Jionni’s hungry right now, he wants to eat this sandwich, he wouldn’t be cooking if he wasn’t.


Mike “The Situation”: So I’ll bring the food to you mother f#@ker.


Mike “The Situation”: All it is is you got to know how to play chess. If you don’t know how to play chess, maybe drop down and try checkers.


Ronnie: I probably shouldn’t have done that in front of Vin, I think Vin got a little mad because… that’s his bi$#h.


Pauly D : You can’t walk in my bed and have your way with me… when I’m not done (to Ronnie).


Pauly D : I never felt so violated in my life.


Snooki : Jionni’s like “don’t drink so much, don’t black out”, I can’t even get drunk with my roommates.


Jenni “JWOWW”: I didn’t even put on underwear today.


Pauly D : Ah there’s my boyfriends. ( to Vin)


Vinny : What are you doing now? Pauly – Waiting for you, let’s get a pedicure.


Pauly D : We’re going to get mini pedis. Vinny – You know, guy stuff.


Pauly D : I got spray tan on my nails and s#$t.


Pauly D : Can you put Vinny’s name on my fingernail? (to salon girl)


Pauly D : I got no tan in Italy so I got a little excited, I went tanning in jersey, went tanning went tanning went tanning… I burnt my whole face off.


Pauly D : So it peeled and then I exfoliated and then I burnt that part that peeled… Pauly D problems.


Snooki : I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would tell anybody in this house to stop tanning… that’s when you know the world is coming to an end.


Pauly D : This really is white boy problems. (talking about burnt face)


Deena : We’re going to Karma tonight and I can freaking wait.


Deena : Even though you a little off you’re a game, your still gonna bring back b#@ches tonight and have sex… I’m just saying. (to Pauly)


Jenni “JWOWW”: Wow you look really good. Snooki – would you bang me? Jenni – bent over and sideways.


Snooki : It’s important to look your hottest the first night of Karma, just because if you don’t look hot the first night of Karma, karma will get you.


Snooki : And because Jionni is gonna be there, I need to do stuff to make me look good (BBBUUURRRPPP).


Deena : I don’t know who I’m gonna make out with but it’s gonna be someone good.


Snooki : My va$#na keeps @#$%*g up.


Pauly D : I’m wearing my favorite necklace my favorite watch, fresh to death.


Jenni “JWOWW”: I don’t think Karma’s ready for us.


Pauly D : So we’re back at Karma kids.


Deena : Damian is in the right place at the right time, maybe he’ll get the golden ticket.


Snooki : Oh my god I’m gonna like cook you, like, chicken cutlets and stuff like that. (to Jionni)


Ronnie: Snooki is wasted off her face, and Jionni is definitely pissed because he has to babysit Nicole.


Jionni: Babe your whole f$#king a$$ is out. (to Snooki)


Ronnie: It’s not like you’re with your girlfriend, It’s like you’re taking care of your child. (about Jionni and Snooki)


Pauly D : Shantel is like the definition of DTF, she’s so DTF right now it’s like not even funny.


Mike “The Situation”: I’m leaving with no girl, I was getting pissed and I was like wow, this might happen right now.


Mike “The Situation”: It was almost like Joe Montana, 20 seconds left in the fourth quarter, I throw the pass… Paula catches it.


Pauly D : Yo these are my rims, they’re 22’s son.


Jionni: That’s called seamen.


Pauly D : Shantel – I’m gonna lay you on the bed and… do you.


Pauly D : Smush was good but, it’s time for Shantel to leave and I gotta call her a cab.


Pauly D : I don’t have an hour, she’s gonna die. (to cab guy on phone)


Pauly D : I’m like, it’s 4 in the morning how many cabs could be out right now?


Pauly D : I don’t know if this girl wants to hang around, but I definitely don’t want her to hang around.


Snooki : I’m thinking like, the girl you brought home last night stole your chain, obvi.


Snooki : She probably stuffed it in her a$$ crack. (about Pauly’s missing chain)


Pauly D : I see my diamond chain glistening in the sun looking all perfect and I’m like thank god.


Pauly D : Shantel – I have no idea, I was like, honestly, I woke up this morning and I’m like oh, what the hell. (about having Pauly’s chain)


Pauly D : She’s all happy like oh I forgot to give you this back, I’m like, you got to be kidding me!


Pauly D : This is what I get for going into the nasty a$$ smush room, I’ll never go into the smush room again.


Snooki : I feel like the girl probably took Pauly’s chain so the next day she could come back again and try an smash… I would do that.


Pauly D : So she lost her dignity, her self respect, so what the hell do you need shoes for? (about Shantel)


Pauly D : So I’m now coming up with a new plan, whenever a girl leaves the house, I’m gonna hug her and pat her down at the same exact time.


Pauly D : I’m not drinking for the rest of my life, until tonight.


Ronnie: Want to go on the ferris wheel and make out? (to Vinnie)


Vinny : I have a choice, either not react to the craziness going on around me or remove myself, either way I have a choice.


Snooki : I’m not gonna drink at the club. (Deena starts laughing)


Deena : Doing eye lashes when your buzzed is not a good time.


Snooki : Did it hurt when you made out with that girl last night? (to Pauly D)


Pauly D : Just go, I’ll talk to him and ill just come meet yous guys later or whatever.


Vinny : Can we sext? (to Pauly D)


Pauly D : You gonna leave me with the situation? Vinny – That’s your cousin.


Pauly D : I just want to grab onto my dude and be like, don’t go, don’t leave me.

Like More Than a Friend – Season 4 Episode 2

Jersey Shore Season 4 Episode 2 – Like More Than A Friend

Things are heating up in Italy! The best of Season 4 Episode 2 quotes are listed here. If we’ve missed any or you have anything to add, post your comments.

 


Pauly D : We ended up making out. It was fine, she’s a good kisser im a good kisser (about Deena).

[adsense336x280]


Vinny : In the words of Pauly D, this is the best day of my life ( after Dauly kisses Deena).


Deena : My game plan is: flirt with Pauly, make out with him a couple of times, then who knows, maybe his Italian sausage will be in my *#$%.


Snooki : He just keeps touching me its gross (referring to Mike “The Situation”).


Snooki : Please f@$# Deena (to Pauly).


Pauly D : I’m probably going to but, i’m gonna feel bad though talking to Snooki about smushing Deena).


Deena :If I do sex with him, it is what it is (taking to Jenni “JWOWW” about Pauly D).


Pauly D : I’ve [never] met a girl in my life that can just hook up and have no feelings. They always end up having feelings.


Jenni “JWOWW”: I definitely think Pauly and Deena are gonna smush, it just really comes down to timing.


Pauly D : if you hook up with Deena tonight bro, I would appreciate it (to Vinny).


Deena : Suck d@$k for skittles (and then she falls).


Jenni “JWOWW”: Where’s the nearest bathroom. I’m trying not to pi$s in public. Again. (after getting home from the club).


Mike “The Situation”: If Jionni can’t make Snooki happy, The Situation is happy to step up to the plate and hit a home run.


Jenni “JWOWW”: Making coffee in Italy is like making cofee in the 1600’s.


Pauly D : Who comes to Italy to sleep? Not me.


Vinny : Nice windbreaker bro (to Pauly).


Vinny : It looks like beauty and the beast. I feel like people are gonna start singing out their windows (while walking down the street).


Deena : God. Everything is in another language. (shopping at the store in Italy).


Deena : Is that wheat, is this wheat, is this wheat (in the grocery store looking for bread).


Deena : Deena: I’m really proud of myself for not falling last night. She fell at least twice).

Sammi “Sweetheart”: These are like weird strawberries are these good like this? (Deena: yeah those are like raspberries).


Jenni “JWOWW”: Nicole still sleeping? (GUYS: What? She’s here?)


Mike “The Situation”: You put the pasta in before it boils? (Deena: Don’t worry, we got a drainer).


Vinny : The girls are out and I’m starting to suspect they’re not going to cook dinner. (The girls told they guys they would cook. Instead, the girls ate out and left the guys to starve).


Mike “The Situation”: I hear Snooki talking to Jionni on the phone she was upset, but The Situation is very good when it comes to relationship advice. (comment after hearing Snooki upset on phone with her BF).


Snooki : I legit wake up at like 3 o’clock in the afternoon (talking to Jionni on the phone).


Jenni “JWOWW”: We’re working at a f@#king pizzeria in Florence. When I’m 80 years old and I’m making pizza in my kitchen and I’m teaching my kids how to make pizza and they ask me, oh, where’d you make pizza, bitch I made it in Florence, that’s where I made pizza so shut your mouth and enjoy my pizza.


Snooki : Like I don’t speak Italian, how the f*&k am I supposed to know how to cook a pizza.


Snooki : oooo its soft, like a baby’s butt (talking about pizza dough).


Ronnie: Snooks made the first pizza pie, came out pretty good. I mean if Snooki can do it, we all can do it, you know what I mean.


Snooki : Mike, she’s really ugly (talking about the girl Situation is talking to).


Jenni “JWOWW”: Is this the Vatican? (An obvious no).


Pauly D : Como se dice “Lost”? (On their way to work at Pizza place).

Sammi “Sweetheart”: It looks like a Domino’s version of Italy pizza.


Pauly D : I’m loud. Is that alright? (yelling at pizza place).


Vinny : She loves hot salami. (talking about Snooki while they’re being taught how to make pizza).


Pauly D : Holy tan line. (Looking at Deena’s booty).


Deena : It’s not my fault that my butts big.


Ronnie: I’m the pimp daddy mac of this whole place.


Mike “The Situation”: Now do you need me to call your friend to pick you up, or, I can definitely give you a taxi (talking to the girl he just smushed).


Snooki : Toodles whore (talking to situations girl).


Pauly D : This match with the gold glasses and the gold watch… yeah buddy, fresh from the feet up.


Snooki : I love Rome… I mean Italy.


Deena : What’s that church called that starts with a v? Ronnie: Vatican, that’s the one that Leonardo de Vinci painted with his hand. Vinny says: I’m pretty sure that was Michael Angelo.


Mike “The Situation”: I’m the type of dude that likes to have a plan b or a backup plan and my back up plan was Brittany.


Mike “The Situation”: Brittany is one of the most DTF chicks I’ve ever met, and she’ll be here in 20 minutes.


Pauly D : Yo Vinny, want some chap-stick? (Get’s up to get Deena off his lap).


Pauly D : Fist pumping pinochio. (Playing with puppet).


Pauly D : Yo, if she still [has] coloring books … she’s too young for you, man.


Vinny : If she’s got a basket on her bicycle… she’s too young for you man.


Pauly D : If she still has the parental controls on her TV … she’s too young for you bro.


Vinny : If she only owns Snow White on DVD … she’s too young for man.


Pauly D : If his Keds still light up … he’s too young for you bro. (Says to Ronnie as Ronnie starts tapping his shoes on the ground).


Pauly D : If she still plays laser tag … she’s too young for you bro. (Jenni speaks out “That’s me”).


Ronnie: F@ck me in the a$$ with a spiked bat. I’d rather not do that. (Talking about getting back with Sammi).


Ronnie: I didn’t get a barber. I got a butcher. (after getting a haircut from Vinny).

Going to Italia – Season 4 Episode 1

Jersey Shore goes to Italy! The best of Season 4 Episode 1 quotes are listed here. If we’ve missed any or you have anything to add, post your comments.


Pauly D : When I get to Italy is like an international panty raid. I’m going crazy.

[adsense336x280]


Snooki : Italy is like that big country, or no, Europe is that big country and then you have like Britain in there and England and Italy.


Deena : I figure an Italian guy in a Vespa is like a hot guy here on a street bike. (Group of girls: “Yeahhhhhh.”)


Deena : In Italy, I’m expecting I’ll bring a guy home, but I won’t do sex, you know, just like figure them out, and then do sex later.


Vinny : No granata per favore. (practicing in front of mirror)


Vinny : This time I’m mature with the beard.


Snooki : I have no idea where Italy is on the map, but I do know what shape it is, and it’s like a boot.


Snooki : You think they sell eyelashes in Italy. It’s kind of like another world. I don’t know what goes on in there. (while packing her suitcase)


Snooki : I need panties, unless you want me to go commando. (talking to her boyfriend who is helping her pack a box full of panties. Literally.)


Snooki : I think he’s a little scared with Vinny but I reassued him. It’s definetaly not going to happen. I’m not going to be an idiot and F@ck this up. (while holding garment that reads “I Love Vinny”)


Snooki : We’re trying to get to Italy, then we land and realize we’re in Germany like Dusseldorf.

Mike “The Situation”: Lock up your daughters, handcuff your wives. The Situation is taking over the Italian nation.

Mike “The Situation”: The difference between an Italian girl and a Jersey girl is: European girls are more free spirited and I’m excited to find out.

Mike “The Situation”: If she lost some pounds, I’d hit it. (talking about Snooki losing weight)


Jenni “JWOWW”: JWOOW and her boobies are going to Italy.


Jenni “JWOWW”: I will be shocked … if I see a guerrilla in Italy.


Jenni “JWOWW”: I wouldn’t cheat on Roger in Italy, but I don’t even think they make 6 foot 4 juice heads with tattoos out there, so nobody has anything to worry about.


Ronnie: Fresh start in Italy. No more being a b*tch … No more of me and Sammi drama. (you can almost hear a sigh of relief from JS fans.)


Vinny : I’m going to find out the age on consent. (asked about first thing he’s going to do in Italy)


Snooki : I’ve got to convert my money… Is that where I get pesos?


Snooki : I feel like I’m gonna cry… I’m not kidding… I’m not really gonna cry I just feel like crying.


Pauly D : They like when I speak Italian. It’s my Italian-English accent.


Pauly D : Streets are so small and the alleys are so narrow, Ronnie’s not gonna be able to fit through the allies. He’s gonna have to turn himself sideways.


Ronnie : The roommate situation, it’s just like, I figured if me and Sam are together, we’re gonna smush, so let me not get myself into that situation.


Vinny : Yo, we got that thing that cleans your a$$ in here.


Snooki : My heart is racing and I smell like King Kong’s a@#hole. (after carrying bags up the stairs)


Deena : Maybe we can be smoosh buddies. You know, friends but with benefits. (talking about how Ronnie used to be her type, but now it’s Pauly D)


Snooki : We should get fake boobs together. I’m scared of needles. I just want them to not sag and the other one is bigger than the other and its really pissing me off. When I lay down they go to the side. It’s annoying.


Pauly D : Oh s$%t, it burnt out. I got a crisis … I almost had a big blow out. (Talking about blow dryer burning out due to difference in current)


Deena : What voltage is it? Cause if that’s 18-thousand, if your voltage is 16-hundred, you need a 2-thousand voltage. (About Pauly’s blow dryer burning out)


Pauly D : That’s breaking. (As Ronnie goes to sit on the side table)

Mike “The Situation” : I thought Snooks was single. (contemplating on the couch. With a touch of regret?)

Sammi “Sweetheart”: Nicole is in a relationship with Jionni. Mike wants to ruin that. It’s like a switch in his head. Like it’s a disease.


Pauly D : I’m gonna get everybody up. We need to hit GTL.


Pauly D : No more grenade whistle, it’s a grenade horn.


Snooki : Finally I’m useful for something because I’m not useful for anything in this house. I can drive stick. (Snooki talking about being able to drive a stick)


Vinny: The navigation system is in Italian. I don’t think the girls can understand the navigation system in English.


Snooki : Does this mean I stop? (pointing to an Italian road sign)


Deena : No way! I don’t freaking do birds. Like get off me. (After the girls get attacked by pigeons on the porch)


Snooki : These pigeons are ruthless in Italy. They will attack you and bite your ears off.


Vinny: Luigi is like the guido Mr. Miagi. He’s this old guy who doesn’t look like he’s worked out in his life … Yet he knows what he’s talking about. Wax on, wax off. Italian style. (talking about Gym instructor)


Pauly D : I don’t know where Snooki got these workouts from. It looks like she’s having sex with herself. I don’t know.


Ronnie : She’s gonna f#%k up that situation for this situation. I’m kind of iffy about that. (Snooki and Situation having a fling while she has a boyfriend)


Snooki : Woa… I can see your vagin@ (To JWOWW about her dress)


Pauly D : Holy tet@s (To Deena)


Pauly D : I’m a good time. I’m a blast in a bra. (acting like Deena)


Deena : This is better than DJais. And DJais is my best place… just saying. (Talking about Italy club)


Deena : Trying to communicate with these Italian men. Gonna be a lot of hand motions and shaking the butt.