Hurricane Situation : Jersey Shore Season 5 Episode 1

The crew is back to Seaside. First up, back to GTL. Then they have a surprise party with friends and family. Uncle Nino joins the party, hitting on all the girls. Mike is back to his old tricks trying to come between Snooki and Gionni, and Vinny feels down seeing his family.

Jenni “JWOWW”: [about being back to America] I want a big, fat burger!


Ronnie: I feel like Italy was boarding school and America is my mother. And I’m coming home to my mother.

Snooki : My bed is my bed and I peed in it last year, so who would want to sleep in that bed?

Pauly D : Look at my duck phone. [happy to be back in Jersey house]

Deena : Are the hermit crabs still here?

Pauly D : Me and Vinny are so excited that Vinny immediatly jumps on my bed and like dry humps me on my bed just to break it in. Like old times.

Mike “The Situation”: I’m just trying to put it behing me .. and maybe be friends … or not.

Mike “The Situation”: Who wants to room with Mike? Nobody.

Ronnie: If he gets involved in my relationships, I’m going to be forced to put his bed on the porch.

Snooki : I should have taken a shot before we did this [bring luggage in house].

Snooki : I never knew how much I missed pickles and pickle juice. It’s like an overwhelming feeling I can’t even explain. It’s just weird.

Deena : Ohh. I want Ron Ron Juice.

Snooki : We decided we’re gonna check out the Shore Store becuase we’re gonna be working there. Again!

Danny (Shore Store): This is the palest you’ve ever seen. You’re all Vinny’s color.

Pauly D : It feel great to be back at the T-Shirt shop. As crazy as it sounds, I can’t wait to work again.

Mike “The Situation”: If we don’t GTL, it’s like the end of civilization.

Pauly D : First thing I want to do now that I’m back in America is I want to go tanning. I’m as pale as a ghost. I’m almost as white as Mike’s teeth.

Pauly D : I’m getting pale by the minute.

Mike “The Situation”: This is a serious situation … We’re losing weight and getting pale, it’s like the end of civilization.

Pauly D : I want to shock my system. I’m tanorexic, bro.

Pauly D : I have an emergency. I have an emergency. [I need] the strongest lotion you have and the max time, and I want to go twice.

Pauly D : Ohh Yeahhh. Tanning. Yeahh..

Pauly D : I’m 14 days behing my game. I need to get back to bussiness. [talking about tanning]

Ronnie: I feel like I’m in heaven because I get to GTL again.

Pauly D : This is America. I can breathe. I smell the smog. I love it.

Ronnie: [about Vinny] He’s officially a Guido now.

Ronnie: Vinny’s haircut is a mixture between a mullet, a mohawk, and a faux hawk. I don’t even know what to call that. But it looks good on him.

Snooki : Vin’s a juice head … in training.

Snooki : I don’t want to go to a bar and drink with my boss. BUT, hopefully he’s paying for the drinks.

Jenni “JWOWW”: How many cars are here? Five? How lame.

Vinny : I see an empty bar, and then all of a sudden: Surprise!

Jenni “JWOWW”: There’s unfinished business … You have Gionni with Vinny, Gionni with Mike. Tonight can get ugly real quick.

Pauly D : Uncle Nino is back. He’s drunk. He’s hitting on every girl in the place.

Ronnie: Uncle Nino is the ultimate creep. I feel he should be in this house with us. Honestly, I feel he should get the smoosh room.

Mike “The Situation”: Snooki is going to be drinking and there’s gonna be drama.

Mike “The Situation”: Everybody knows the story, but now the witnesses are here. It’s only a matter of time before the truth comes out.

Mike “The Situation”: Nicole is going off saying really mean things. It’s probably the stupidest thing you can do because this is the key witness to the crime.

Mike “The Situation”: He will say something, if you keep saying something.

Vinny : Just seeing my family puts the washing machine on overload.

Mike “The Situation”: This is Hurricane Situation and it’s heading straight for Snooki Island.

Mike “The Situation”: [talking to The Unit]: It’s the best you’ve ever looked. It’s nasty.

Sammi “Sweetheart”: Oh My God. Let’s be real. I feel like Mike has … tendencies.

Sammi “Sweetheart”: Mike normally wifes up his grenades this way. Is he doing that with The Unit?

Jenni “JWOWW”: [re Mike’s overuse of Cologne] Is it supposed to smell like skunk up here?

Mike “The Situation”: Snooki knows what’s going on. So she eliminates Gionni from the equation. She hid the whole night.

Pauly D : [to Ryder] What’s up my ninja?

Sammi “Sweetheart”: Ryder is really riding around town in this house: Vinny, The Unit, now Pauly.

Pauly D : Ryder is looking pretty good tonight, but she’s already had sex with Vinny and I’m not really cool with sloppy seconds, so I don’t know what do to

with her.

Pauly D : Whether you’re the first man in, or the last man in: Ryder.

Vinny : Everybody ride her, just like a bus driver.

Vinny : Ryder’s f***** everybody in the house, if she f**** Ronnie, it’s like guido bingo.

Snooki : That’s not me … apologizing and admitting I’m wrong.

Snooki : I have a little bit of angry issues.

Ronnie: [about Vinny been Momma’s Boy] I’m hungry: his mom cooks him dinner. I’m dirty: his mom wipes his ass. Vinny needs to man up and move on.

Vinny : I’m feeling a little better now and feel like going to Aztec and develop a little Seaside momentum.

Pauly D : [about club Aztec] It’s a war out there. There’s a lot of grenades.

Pauly D : [at club Aztec] Ew, what the hell. She’s battling you! She’s battling you!

Deena : Vin’s in a funk since the suprize party and I feel bad for him. Like, I dont want anybody in a funk, because their funk puts me in a funk because they’re

in a funk and I dont want anybody to be in a funk!!

Pauly D : [leaving club with Vinny] Bro’s before hoes.

Vinny : I have nothing left to give. I want to go home.