Hurricane Situation : Jersey Shore Season 5 Episode 1

The crew is back to Seaside. First up, back to GTL. Then they have a surprise party with friends and family. Uncle Nino joins the party, hitting on all the girls. Mike is back to his old tricks trying to come between Snooki and Gionni, and Vinny feels down seeing his family.


Jenni “JWOWW”: [about being back to America] I want a big, fat burger!

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Ronnie: I feel like Italy was boarding school and America is my mother. And I’m coming home to my mother.


Snooki : My bed is my bed and I peed in it last year, so who would want to sleep in that bed?


Pauly D : Look at my duck phone. [happy to be back in Jersey house]


Deena : Are the hermit crabs still here?


Pauly D : Me and Vinny are so excited that Vinny immediatly jumps on my bed and like dry humps me on my bed just to break it in. Like old times.


Mike “The Situation”: I’m just trying to put it behing me .. and maybe be friends … or not.


Mike “The Situation”: Who wants to room with Mike? Nobody.


Ronnie: If he gets involved in my relationships, I’m going to be forced to put his bed on the porch.


Snooki : I should have taken a shot before we did this [bring luggage in house].


Snooki : I never knew how much I missed pickles and pickle juice. It’s like an overwhelming feeling I can’t even explain. It’s just weird.


Deena : Ohh. I want Ron Ron Juice.


Snooki : We decided we’re gonna check out the Shore Store becuase we’re gonna be working there. Again!


Danny (Shore Store): This is the palest you’ve ever seen. You’re all Vinny’s color.


Pauly D : It feel great to be back at the T-Shirt shop. As crazy as it sounds, I can’t wait to work again.


Mike “The Situation”: If we don’t GTL, it’s like the end of civilization.


Pauly D : First thing I want to do now that I’m back in America is I want to go tanning. I’m as pale as a ghost. I’m almost as white as Mike’s teeth.


Pauly D : I’m getting pale by the minute.


Mike “The Situation”: This is a serious situation … We’re losing weight and getting pale, it’s like the end of civilization.


Pauly D : I want to shock my system. I’m tanorexic, bro.


Pauly D : I have an emergency. I have an emergency. [I need] the strongest lotion you have and the max time, and I want to go twice.


Pauly D : Ohh Yeahhh. Tanning. Yeahh..


Pauly D : I’m 14 days behing my game. I need to get back to bussiness. [talking about tanning]


Ronnie: I feel like I’m in heaven because I get to GTL again.


Pauly D : This is America. I can breathe. I smell the smog. I love it.


Ronnie: [about Vinny] He’s officially a Guido now.


Ronnie: Vinny’s haircut is a mixture between a mullet, a mohawk, and a faux hawk. I don’t even know what to call that. But it looks good on him.


Snooki : Vin’s a juice head … in training.


Snooki : I don’t want to go to a bar and drink with my boss. BUT, hopefully he’s paying for the drinks.


Jenni “JWOWW”: How many cars are here? Five? How lame.


Vinny : I see an empty bar, and then all of a sudden: Surprise!


Jenni “JWOWW”: There’s unfinished business … You have Gionni with Vinny, Gionni with Mike. Tonight can get ugly real quick.


Pauly D : Uncle Nino is back. He’s drunk. He’s hitting on every girl in the place.


Ronnie: Uncle Nino is the ultimate creep. I feel he should be in this house with us. Honestly, I feel he should get the smoosh room.


Mike “The Situation”: Snooki is going to be drinking and there’s gonna be drama.


Mike “The Situation”: Everybody knows the story, but now the witnesses are here. It’s only a matter of time before the truth comes out.


Mike “The Situation”: Nicole is going off saying really mean things. It’s probably the stupidest thing you can do because this is the key witness to the crime.


Mike “The Situation”: He will say something, if you keep saying something.


Vinny : Just seeing my family puts the washing machine on overload.


Mike “The Situation”: This is Hurricane Situation and it’s heading straight for Snooki Island.


Mike “The Situation”: [talking to The Unit]: It’s the best you’ve ever looked. It’s nasty.


Sammi “Sweetheart”: Oh My God. Let’s be real. I feel like Mike has … tendencies.


Sammi “Sweetheart”: Mike normally wifes up his grenades this way. Is he doing that with The Unit?


Jenni “JWOWW”: [re Mike’s overuse of Cologne] Is it supposed to smell like skunk up here?


Mike “The Situation”: Snooki knows what’s going on. So she eliminates Gionni from the equation. She hid the whole night.


Pauly D : [to Ryder] What’s up my ninja?


Sammi “Sweetheart”: Ryder is really riding around town in this house: Vinny, The Unit, now Pauly.


Pauly D : Ryder is looking pretty good tonight, but she’s already had sex with Vinny and I’m not really cool with sloppy seconds, so I don’t know what do to

with her.


Pauly D : Whether you’re the first man in, or the last man in: Ryder.


Vinny : Everybody ride her, just like a bus driver.


Vinny : Ryder’s f***** everybody in the house, if she f**** Ronnie, it’s like guido bingo.


Snooki : That’s not me … apologizing and admitting I’m wrong.


Snooki : I have a little bit of angry issues.


Ronnie: [about Vinny been Momma’s Boy] I’m hungry: his mom cooks him dinner. I’m dirty: his mom wipes his ass. Vinny needs to man up and move on.


Vinny : I’m feeling a little better now and feel like going to Aztec and develop a little Seaside momentum.


Pauly D : [about club Aztec] It’s a war out there. There’s a lot of grenades.


Pauly D : [at club Aztec] Ew, what the hell. She’s battling you! She’s battling you!


Deena : Vin’s in a funk since the suprize party and I feel bad for him. Like, I dont want anybody in a funk, because their funk puts me in a funk because they’re

in a funk and I dont want anybody to be in a funk!!


Pauly D : [leaving club with Vinny] Bro’s before hoes.


Vinny : I have nothing left to give. I want to go home.

Not Jersey Shore Material

We received a good number of entries of Jersey Shore fans who think they could be part of the Jersey Shore cast. Here’s a list of additional entries for “So you think you could be a Jersey Shore Cast Member?” The following entries were very short and without a picture, so we decided to put them together all in this post.

Aubrey

I would fit in with the JS cast because I’m not Italian & I’m not a guedette. The show needs someone who’s not all about fake tans, big hair, & Staten Island.

Genesis Sandoval

I can party hard just like Snooki and all of em’ I can drink from 10 till 6am non-stop! Bahaha I’m a true party girl!! 😀

Sammy

I would fit into the jersey shore cast because I love being at the shore I’m a crazy out going person like everyone on there. And I love the shore.

Ryan Bouldry

Hi my name is Ryan Bouldry. Even though I am not Italian I should still be on the jersey shore because I am one of the best people to have fun. Even though I’m 30 I can still party like I am in my twenties because I know what it takes to be a chilled dude during the day and a blast at night. Okay so please choose me.

Christine Fabrizio

I’d fit in because I’m silly like Snooki, a mom like Jwoww, funny like Pauly D, love my big Italian family like Vinny, and nothing at all like the drama queen Mike I’m the perfect fit for everyone!!!!

Robert Tomaselli

I would fit in perfect because I am the party boy I have shirts and everything party boy 69 with in front kiss me I’m the party boy (just girls) and other one its t-shirt time!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And all shirts I make up and all have party boy 69 on back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am the most party guy ever!!!!!!!!!!!! I should win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jesse Wright

Hey guys, it’s Jesse Wright I think I would be because I’m the guy that the girls will fall in love with, I’m the guy that will make Mike’ the situation’ to Mike’ the old bully’…but seriously I will party hard work hard cause no trouble, but if trouble comes my way I’m going to f@#k s%$t up!

Morgan

I would fit in for Jersey Shore because I’m completely obsessed with tanning and love getting dressed up to go out in public. I love to party and drink and have a good time and I can do the Jersey Turnpike just as well as Deena. I totally consider myself Italian even though I’m not and I know how to do the “Snooki” poof but even bigger. I would love, love, love to be on Jersey Shore!!!

Shailyn

I would fit it with the jersey shore cast, because I love anything that has to do with partying, I love Italian men!!! And I’m a great time!!!!! And I’m more like Jwow, when it comes to not taking crap from anyone!(:

More JS Fans

jersey shore fan
Stephanie Zhu – I Should be Miss Jersy Shore UK 2011

jersey shore fan
Diane White – Works at homegoods in Gahanna Ohio

jersey shore fan
Tasia Webb – Small Texan town holding her back


Anna – Dresses as Snooki for Halloween

jersey shore fan
Carmen Ochoa – krumpin at parties and falling all over

jersey shore fan
Jon – witty, cleaver, inventive, original

jersey shore fan
Kari Magenheim – Find her at every club

jersey shore fan
Searah Legates – I tell it how it is


Brittney – obsessed with guidos

jersey shore fan
Strict diet of chips and chili con queso

jersey shore fan
Rebekah Collick – a WEE bit hyper

jersey shore fan
Tony Capria – Confident Italian

jersey shore fan
Chelsea Poindexter – blast in a glass

jersey shore fan
Allie – Tanned and Wearing Leopard Print


Not Jersey Shore Material

The Calm before the Storm – Season 4 Episode 4

In Season 4 Episode 4 of Jersey Shore, we see Ronnie and Sammi acting like a loving couple. He buys her gifts, they have dinner, etc. They actually start to look like a normal couple. However, that is simply the “calm before the storm” as Sammi quickly turns jealous for no valid reason and starts up drama when Ronnie is dancing and having a good time at the Yab club. Afterwards, Sammi was trying to save face by putting the spotlight on Mike’s earlier comments (which were unrelated to the night’s events). The episode is actually titled “Crime and Punishment” but it seems we have to wait until next week to actually see Ronnie handing out some “justice.”

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Mike “The Situation”: It was supposed to be a Ménage à Twin, but my whole menagery went awry.


Vinny : It was called a tag team, not tag rob. (about Deena stealing Twin)


Mike “The Situation”: Sometimes the truth hurts. But, I’m going to bring truth to the people. I’m the people’s champ.


Snooki : Vinny had your sloppy seconds. (talking to Deena)


Pauly D : Come on. Lesbionic. Lesbehonest (taunting Deena)


Snooki : Let’s have babies. (to Jionni on the phone)


Snooki : My bazooka’s out.


Mike “The Situation”: Erica’s called but I don’t know who she’s called for, Vinny or you [Deena].


Ronnie: Robina. (talking about Deena)


Mike “The Situation”: Deena has a criminal record of c@$blocking now. This is a serious offense and is going to be on her record for at least 7 years.


Mike “The Situation”: If somebody’s in somebody’s bed, you don’t go and grab them.


Deena : I’m not a c@#blocker. I gave her back afterwards.


Jenni “JWOWW”: [Ackward Silence] “So what else is going on?”


Pauly D : Sometimes my jokes are harsh. (to Deena)


Snooki : This is going to be a miserable job. So, let’s get our buzz on.


Snooki : Thank god for Deena. Otherwise, we would end up in Rome. (on their way to Pizza place)


Pauly D : Passing out flyers is the best way to meet girls … I should get a commission for this .. Yeahh buddy!


Pauly D : Nikky your pizza is ready. [Nikky walks up] Nikky! What are you doing? Sleeping? (Pauly D’s version of customer service)


Snooki : Just meatballs in a bag. (talking to her boss when she and Deean jump into a garbage bag)


Deena : I have my periodozo. (Excuse while drinking wine with Snooki and hiding from boss)


Deena : Did you just get p00ped on [by a pidgeon]? That’s good luck. (talking to Pauly D)


Ronnie: Me and Sammi talking when we’re drunk is like throwing kerosene to the fire.


Mike “The Situation”: Two guys, two girls. Seems like a party to me.


Pauly D : (Giving girls a tour of home and pointing to Ronnie) That’s what happens when you take steroids.


Ronnie: I’m tired of you trying to check me .. Get out! (Talking to Sammi. Not a funny quote, but memorable.)

Jersey Shore Cast Members to be Fired if they Walk

Sources connected with production tell TMZ, the network is serious this time: if another cast member tries to walk off the show … that person will be fired, and the remainder of his or her contract will be terminated. No exceptions.

We’re told it’s all a power play. With two cast members nearly jumping ship in the same week, MTV wants to reassert some authority … and show the cast who’s boss once and for all.