Sharp Objects – Season 5 Episode 8

Shark!! Where’s the shark?!?! This week, the roommates decided to take a trip down to the ocean… a few times. First, they all decide to go crabbing and fishing, then Snooki and Deena wanted to break a few laws and get caught in the ocean after dark. On top of that, Mike is actually being a good roommate to Pauly and Vinny? And is Snooki go back to Vinny… again?


Pauly D : I don’t know what’s going on in this guys head right now. You keep it moving, you don’t want to fight with Rodger.

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Ronnie: At Karma, you can either walk out the door or get thrown out the door.


Snooki : I’m really excited, you know, to touch his w!#ner and make out and get it in (about Jionni).


Snooki : Honesty, you know, if Jionni’s sick or whatever, I feel bad but I wanna f#$king get it in with my boyfriend, so why the f#$k are you puking right now, let’s have sex.


Jenni “JWOWW”: Rodger: My girl had to poop. I had to wait.


Ronnie: I thought gorillas only ate bananas (to Rodger).


Jenni “JWOWW”: Rodger: Have you met my friend half-pint (about Ronnie).


Jenni “JWOWW”: Rodger: Have you met my friend half-pint (about Ronnie).


Ronnie: I feel like if my girlfriend complained as much as she did, I’d probably lose my phone too (to Rodger).


Jenni “JWOWW”: Rodger: She thought I was gonna call and kiss her ass, it ain’t gonna happen. Alright I gotta go before I get my ass kicked.


Snooki : Jionni’s wasted right now, but I feel like I never see you so lets just f$#king bang it out.


Snooki : A boyfriend’s job is to come over, have sex, and you know, make your girlfriend feel good, and at this point Jionni’s not making me feel good, he’s throwing up and passing out in my bed.


Deena : I mean do you really need talent to fish though? You just throw the thing in the thing.


Deena : Can you imagine though, eight guido’s trying to fish.


Vinny : I already got crabs last night out at Karma.


Jenni “JWOWW”: Got an extra bucket to throw up in (to crab guy).


Pauly D : Yo I’m gonna catch me Sunday dinner.


Jenni “JWOWW”: I caught a guido!


Pauly D : Yo, why can’t I just put Snooki on this hook, catch me a big fish?


Pauly D : Crabs are here!


Jenni “JWOWW”: I don’t even want to say it. Snooki: What? Jenni: I caught crabs.


Mike “The Situation”: Yo this ain’t happening. Guidos ain’t made to fish. I can fish for girls but not f#@king for fish.


Vinny : Mike’s just like, spread-eagle right now in one of his feminine poses.


Deena : I feel like this is like my relationships, not one person wants to grab my bait.


Ronnie: So I let the air out of the boat, arms are flying in the air, there’s meatball sauce everywhere.


Snooki : This boat is sinking and I’ve seen titanic and this is not going to end well.


Sammi “Sweetheart”: Deena is literally trying to get out of three feet of water because there’s sharks in it.


Pauly D : Yo, Snooki’s all through these waters.


Pauly D : You know how you catch a Snooki, pickles!


Mike “The Situation”: He’s working hard in there, his insides are coming out.


Pauly D : She doesn’t talk, but yet stalks.


Pauly D : She’ll work my entire shift at the t-shirt shop just staring at me.


Pauly D : And I’m freaked out because she stares right at me with this like that I can feel burning a hole in my head and it’s messing with my blowout.


Vinny : Oh it stands for Down to Fish (when asked what DTF stands for)


Snooki : I’ll shoot you with a pistol in your f#$king eyeball.


Snooki : Yeah buddy, I know how to work my balls.


Snooki : Even though I lost the bet and I have to wear the bunny suit to Karma, it’s not really a big deal because Lola is like my best friend.


Vinny : I might want to reconsider having sex with you right now. You should just always leave the mask on (to Snooki).


Vinny : Stripper, prostitute, bunny, Lola, is pretty hot tonight, I think.


Deena : Lola is definitely the most popular girl at Karma tonight, I’m a little jealous, I’m gonna have to bring her home tonight for myself.


Mike “The Situation”: I actually am like the hunter and gatherer at the house, when it comes to ladies.


Snooki : I kinda wanna, you know, break a law or two tonight.


Deena : So the only difference between the meatballs and Baywatch right now is the red bathing suits, and David Hasselhoff.


Snooki : Holy buttsack I’m tired.


Snooki : This morning I feel like freaking a$$, like I’m still drunk, but it’s like, you know the drunk where you wanna throw up and you feel disgusting, I’d rather just drink it off.


Snooki : Ronnie looks like s$!t right now and I’m like bro, you’re hung over, we need to go to the bar and fix that.


Ronnie: I just see Snooki’s head floating.


Ronnie: To average people, that’s a mini-bike, to Nicole, that’s like a normal motorcycle.


Pauly D : I got the night shift tonight, it’s me, Situation, and Jenni, so I expect to be doing most of the work.


Jenni “JWOWW”: Pauly, your girl is creeping me out right now. Pauly D: Me too.


Pauly D : This girl is going to kill me, she’s gonna kidnap me, put me in her basement, have me DJ for her, and I’m gonna be MIA, you guys are gonna be looking for me.


Jenni “JWOWW”: Pauly’s stalker officially scares me.


Jenni “JWOWW”: I think the blanket is wrapped around something heavy, it’s either Pauly’s hair, or it’s a chainsaw (about Vanessa).


Pauly D : It’s not Pauly D anymore, it’s gonna be DJ Pauly Dead!


Vinny : If Nicole is breathing and Nicole is conscious, she’s probably talking about sex.


Vinny : I’m on the boardwalk with Nicole wasted right now, and, this is kinda questionable what I’m doing.

Where is My Boyfriend? – Season 4 Episode 8

Jionni is here… and now he’s gone. After waiting and waiting, Snooki and Jionni are finally reunited. Her prince charming flew thousands of miles to come see here in Italy and find love and marriage right? Well, not really. Only 6 hours after showing up, Snooki embarrasses Jionni at the club and he is gone as fast as he came. Snooki is a mess, Mike is acting crazy, and the house isn’t sure what to do. Sprinkled in the larger theme of this weeks episode, JWOWW’s boyfriend wasn’t able to make it over to see her, Snooki pulls a prank on Mike with Brittany, and Mike is ready to fight anyone who breathes in his direction! Italy or Jersey, drama will always be there!

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Snooki : I don’t want to go in the back of a cop car ever again.


Snooki : There like coming right here why can’t you just wait? (to the cop)


Snooki : This is so embarrassing, I don’t want to do this again.


Snooki : I’m not allowed to drive in Italy anymore, they took my license.


Snooki : Now it’s like I need a cocktail.


Snooki : I went to jail… again!


Snooki : (On the phone with Jionni) I ran into a cop car. Jionni: Were you drunk?


Snooki : I could only imagine if Jionni’s like I can’t come. I jump off this f*#king balcony onto the street and kill myself.


Snooki : Dude she’s such a dumb blond (talking about Brittany).


Snooki : Dude like I thought I was psycho and crazy, this bitch is beyond psycho and crazy, I don’t even know what to call it, like you’re a wildebeest (talking about Brittany).


Snooki : Oh god I’m gonna poo my pants I’m so excited.


Snooki : Mike sees Brittany and he’s like, what the hell is going on, and I’m like yep hi I did that.


Snooki : Your welcome Mike you f$#king fruit loop.


Snooki : So my prank on Mike backfires, I mean I’m kinda pissed off about it.


Snooki : He hasn’t seen me in like a month so I don’t want him to think I’m fat or like pale or gross.


Snooki : I look like a cop, but Jionni’s gonna think I’m hot because my t#$s are out.


Snooki : Oh my god, Jionni is like my world. Jionni is like crocadilly but alive.


Snooki : I really don’t care to introduce him to anybody, everybody knows who he is. I don’t want to give him the tour because I’m so f$%king horny.


Snooki : I shouldn’t have said that, but, his wiener is tan, and I love it.


Snooki : Jionni: Your balls are out. Snooki: My balls aren’t out shut up.


Snooki : Me and Jionni, we’re gonna have guido babies I know it. I can’t wait to pop those suckers out, they’re gonna be so f$#king cute and tan.


Snooki : I hope I have a c-section because I don’t want it to f#$k up my va$#na


Snooki : If Mike says anything to Jionni, I’m legit gonna punch Mike in the face.


Snooki : Jionni: You’re dancing like a f%$king whore (to Snooki).


Snooki : Where’s my boyfriend? I don’t deserve this right now (drunk looking for Jionni after he left her at the club).


Snooki : I hate you, you’re so mean (to Jionni).


Pauly D : Anything could happen, they could kick us out of Italy. We’re all F#@ked (talking about Snooki’s car crash).


Pauly D : Bye Fiat (to Snookis car).


Pauly D : Did your life flash before your eyes? (to Snooki and Deena)


Pauly D : Yo, you f*#cked up my Fiat girl (to Snooki).


Pauly D : Oh it’s on tonight.


Pauly D : Hey Brittany.


Pauly D : I’m getting nervous now (to Snooki about Jionni coming).


Pauly D : Snooki if he really was here, that was a poor response time, you should never keep a man waiting.


Pauly D : Yo this girl was crying waiting for you son (to Jionni).


Pauly D : Jionni knew what he was getting himself into. He should be more secure. That’s no way to handle your problems my dude.


Pauly D : Who do I have to f$%k around here to get a hotdog? Not you I hope.


Mike “The Situation”: I would have to say the club had so much better ratio between hotdog buns and hotdogs that I am determined to get it in tonight.


Mike “The Situation”: I see a foot in my bed.


Mike “The Situation”: Oh my god aye (to the Australian chick about Brittany being in the bed).


Mike “The Situation”: Uh… this is gonna be tough to get out of.


Mike “The Situation”: I got this Australian chick who I have to find out if she’s DTF. Brittany’s already in my bed.


Mike “The Situation”: So I just say hey, I’ve already got a bun in the oven, no need to warm another one up. Time to go home Australian chick.


Mike “The Situation”: That guy is very curious about me. I don’t like it (about Jionni).


Mike “The Situation”: Anyone comes close to me asking questions, I’m kicking them.


Mike “The Situation”: I’m letting you know I think he already knows, and if he come up to me Ima tell him the truth, like detail for detail and if he come to close, I’m kicking him.


Mike “The Situation”: Between me and you, I’ve never been caught with my guard down. Like if Jionni came up to me and winked, I’d kick him in his head (to JWOWW).


Mike “The Situation”: I don’t want to like, kick your boyfriend in the head, but I feel like he’s looking at me. Is there a problem? (to Snooki)


Mike “The Situation”: On the surface Jionni looks like a nice kid, but at the end of the day, that kid was a f$%king wankster.


Vinny : I don’t see Nicole, all I see is the car getting towed away and I don’t know what that means, I don’t know if Nicole’s locked up, I mean she hit a cop.


Vinny : Snooki come here! Door bell!


Vinny : We don’t want any get the hell outta here (when Snooki and Jionni ring the bell).


Vinny : Mike ever since he got into the fight with Ronnie, he thinks he has to have his guard up all the time, and by his guard, I mean his feet.


Vinny : Because of what happened with Snooki and Mike in the past, Mike’s having an imaginary confrontation in his head right now.


Vinny : Jionni, the fact that your getting upset that Nicole did something a little skanky, is like ridiculous.


Vinny : You know what you can do, get you’re a$$ in the kitchen and make me a f$%king cheeseburger.


Jenni “JWOWW”: Spread your legs (to Snooki as she spray tans her butt).


Jenni “JWOWW”: Nicole is like strutting new outfits every single 5 seconds… that’s night time.


Jenni “JWOWW”: You never fought, you hit yourself (to Mike).


Jenni “JWOWW”: I can’t wait for Mike to like, kick in the air and slip on a banana and like break his ankle.


Jenni “JWOWW”: Well, at least I get to say I walked f#$king Florence barefoot.


Ronnie: Haha high five to that one (Jionni pulling Snooki’s dress up).


Ronnie: Snooki’s dress looks like a swimsuit to be honest with you. It doesn’t even come below her cuca like at all.


Deena : Mike’s new thing is karate. I’m like alright Mike, do your think kung fu panda.

Sammi “Sweetheart”: I really have to pee bad.