The Wall Street Journal puts out some great articles (from time to time). Below are excerpts from an article about giving financial planning to the cast members of Jersey Shore. Clearly, not a journalistic piece. Why is someone at The Wall Street Journal writing about Jersey Shore? The only advice the cast needs is regarding Gyms, Tanning, and Laundry. Here’s some of the “financial advice” given:
Paully D – Young man, with your $50,000 a night DJ gigs, you’re actually the castmate I am least concerned about. I’d recommend against a Roth IRA as you are likely making more today than you ever will again, pay the taxes later at a lower income rate.
Situation – I’m not going to sugarcoat this, Mike, here’s the situation: As a 46-year-old man playing a 25-year-old on TV, your career prospects aren’t particularly bright. Only one other actor has been able to pull this off, Luke Perry, who was cast as a high schooler on Beverly Hills 90210 at the age of 41. But Luke wasn’t smart with his money, that’s why you see him wrestling with electric eels in original movies on the SciFi Channel at 3 in the morning. I advise you to put your lottery winnings from being on the show into an irrevocable trust that pays you a stipend each month. You’ll get access to the principle in the event of your 50th birthday or a life-threatening piercing accident, whichever happens first.
Snooki – While scientists have been unable to determine the median life expectancy of a Snooki, we should assume and plan for at least a few decades of longevity. With that in mind, the key here is to avoid making any investments that actually require your time or attention or (gasp) expertise. Snooki, this means no investment properties and no restaurants or bars. Stick with a more passive investment approach, I’d recommend an 80/20 stock/bond mix held in an account that you’ll forget you have access to. And by the way, Planet Earth called – it asked if you’d please put some underwear on.
J-Woww – As your financial adviser, I am chiefly concerned with your interest rate risk. Meaning, our rate of interest in you is sure to decline from this point forward. Please keep in mind that your surgical “alterations” are, in fact, depreciating assets. That said, we won’t be able to write them off against short or long term capital gains. My advice is to have Viacom set up a Health Savings Account (HSA) for you. You’ll be contributing pre-tax dollars each year and can begin accumulating the warchest you’ll need for tattoo removal, lower back pain etc. I’m happy to discuss this all with you privately, over drinks, so let me know what your schedule looks like.
Source: Josh Brown, The Wall Street Journal