Hurricane Situation : Jersey Shore Season 5 Episode 1

The crew is back to Seaside. First up, back to GTL. Then they have a surprise party with friends and family. Uncle Nino joins the party, hitting on all the girls. Mike is back to his old tricks trying to come between Snooki and Gionni, and Vinny feels down seeing his family.

Jenni “JWOWW”: [about being back to America] I want a big, fat burger!


Ronnie: I feel like Italy was boarding school and America is my mother. And I’m coming home to my mother.

Snooki : My bed is my bed and I peed in it last year, so who would want to sleep in that bed?

Pauly D : Look at my duck phone. [happy to be back in Jersey house]

Deena : Are the hermit crabs still here?

Pauly D : Me and Vinny are so excited that Vinny immediatly jumps on my bed and like dry humps me on my bed just to break it in. Like old times.

Mike “The Situation”: I’m just trying to put it behing me .. and maybe be friends … or not.

Mike “The Situation”: Who wants to room with Mike? Nobody.

Ronnie: If he gets involved in my relationships, I’m going to be forced to put his bed on the porch.

Snooki : I should have taken a shot before we did this [bring luggage in house].

Snooki : I never knew how much I missed pickles and pickle juice. It’s like an overwhelming feeling I can’t even explain. It’s just weird.

Deena : Ohh. I want Ron Ron Juice.

Snooki : We decided we’re gonna check out the Shore Store becuase we’re gonna be working there. Again!

Danny (Shore Store): This is the palest you’ve ever seen. You’re all Vinny’s color.

Pauly D : It feel great to be back at the T-Shirt shop. As crazy as it sounds, I can’t wait to work again.

Mike “The Situation”: If we don’t GTL, it’s like the end of civilization.

Pauly D : First thing I want to do now that I’m back in America is I want to go tanning. I’m as pale as a ghost. I’m almost as white as Mike’s teeth.

Pauly D : I’m getting pale by the minute.

Mike “The Situation”: This is a serious situation … We’re losing weight and getting pale, it’s like the end of civilization.

Pauly D : I want to shock my system. I’m tanorexic, bro.

Pauly D : I have an emergency. I have an emergency. [I need] the strongest lotion you have and the max time, and I want to go twice.

Pauly D : Ohh Yeahhh. Tanning. Yeahh..

Pauly D : I’m 14 days behing my game. I need to get back to bussiness. [talking about tanning]

Ronnie: I feel like I’m in heaven because I get to GTL again.

Pauly D : This is America. I can breathe. I smell the smog. I love it.

Ronnie: [about Vinny] He’s officially a Guido now.

Ronnie: Vinny’s haircut is a mixture between a mullet, a mohawk, and a faux hawk. I don’t even know what to call that. But it looks good on him.

Snooki : Vin’s a juice head … in training.

Snooki : I don’t want to go to a bar and drink with my boss. BUT, hopefully he’s paying for the drinks.

Jenni “JWOWW”: How many cars are here? Five? How lame.

Vinny : I see an empty bar, and then all of a sudden: Surprise!

Jenni “JWOWW”: There’s unfinished business … You have Gionni with Vinny, Gionni with Mike. Tonight can get ugly real quick.

Pauly D : Uncle Nino is back. He’s drunk. He’s hitting on every girl in the place.

Ronnie: Uncle Nino is the ultimate creep. I feel he should be in this house with us. Honestly, I feel he should get the smoosh room.

Mike “The Situation”: Snooki is going to be drinking and there’s gonna be drama.

Mike “The Situation”: Everybody knows the story, but now the witnesses are here. It’s only a matter of time before the truth comes out.

Mike “The Situation”: Nicole is going off saying really mean things. It’s probably the stupidest thing you can do because this is the key witness to the crime.

Mike “The Situation”: He will say something, if you keep saying something.

Vinny : Just seeing my family puts the washing machine on overload.

Mike “The Situation”: This is Hurricane Situation and it’s heading straight for Snooki Island.

Mike “The Situation”: [talking to The Unit]: It’s the best you’ve ever looked. It’s nasty.

Sammi “Sweetheart”: Oh My God. Let’s be real. I feel like Mike has … tendencies.

Sammi “Sweetheart”: Mike normally wifes up his grenades this way. Is he doing that with The Unit?

Jenni “JWOWW”: [re Mike’s overuse of Cologne] Is it supposed to smell like skunk up here?

Mike “The Situation”: Snooki knows what’s going on. So she eliminates Gionni from the equation. She hid the whole night.

Pauly D : [to Ryder] What’s up my ninja?

Sammi “Sweetheart”: Ryder is really riding around town in this house: Vinny, The Unit, now Pauly.

Pauly D : Ryder is looking pretty good tonight, but she’s already had sex with Vinny and I’m not really cool with sloppy seconds, so I don’t know what do to

with her.

Pauly D : Whether you’re the first man in, or the last man in: Ryder.

Vinny : Everybody ride her, just like a bus driver.

Vinny : Ryder’s f***** everybody in the house, if she f**** Ronnie, it’s like guido bingo.

Snooki : That’s not me … apologizing and admitting I’m wrong.

Snooki : I have a little bit of angry issues.

Ronnie: [about Vinny been Momma’s Boy] I’m hungry: his mom cooks him dinner. I’m dirty: his mom wipes his ass. Vinny needs to man up and move on.

Vinny : I’m feeling a little better now and feel like going to Aztec and develop a little Seaside momentum.

Pauly D : [about club Aztec] It’s a war out there. There’s a lot of grenades.

Pauly D : [at club Aztec] Ew, what the hell. She’s battling you! She’s battling you!

Deena : Vin’s in a funk since the suprize party and I feel bad for him. Like, I dont want anybody in a funk, because their funk puts me in a funk because they’re

in a funk and I dont want anybody to be in a funk!!

Pauly D : [leaving club with Vinny] Bro’s before hoes.

Vinny : I have nothing left to give. I want to go home.

Ciao, Italia

Ciao, Italia.
The Season Finale of Jersey Shore is bittersweet as the crew says goodbye to Italy but looks forward to going back to Jersey Shore. Mike’s woes with the rest of the house continues and even contemplates not returning to the show, but in the end, decides that he’s simply cut out to be the villain and will make the best of it.

Snooki: I head Mike, walking around, being a f***** weirdo.

Mike: How are you Snooki?


Roonie: What ever bridges you’ve burned, try to fix them. If you can’t fix them, you gotta go.

Mike: If you don’t like me, I don’t care.

Ronnie: If he wants to act like Angelina, let him act like Angelina.

Pauly D: I’m on break!

Sammi: We can if you want. Ronnie: Right now? Sammi: Yeah!

Sammi: It’s a little weird because you don’t think to do it when everybody is home. But, what are you gonna do?

Pauly D: In house walk of shame. Yeah Buddy.

Pauly D: The whole house knows it took 5 minutes to get their smoosh on. No wonder Sam never smiles.

Mike: I’m not going back to Jersey … I make my decision and move forward.

Deena: Team Meatballs can take off.

Vinny: Tonight the opposite is happening. The drunker I get, the uglier the girls get. I need to bouce.

Deena: Down there was like a basement. I was getting boob sweat, I was getting cuca sweat.

Snooki: I’m having s3x with the couch right now.

Snooki: Are we that bad? (looking at drunk girl at club)

Deena: She just f***** my clutch. I don’t want to touch it.

Vinny: Meatball power is in full effect right now.

Pauly D: She’s OK. But she’s kinda like a guaranteed.

Pauly D: She has her tetas all out .. and she wants to get it in.

Deena: If it wasn’t for Meatball #2, Meatball #1 would be lost.

Jenni: Sleeping for 21 hours was such an unbelievable feeling. I feel 100% better.

Ronnie: I didn’t know Deena wore underwear, to be honest with you.

Ronnie: I’m fat kid inside, so I’m in heaven right now. (eating bar-b-q)

Vinny: Hell has froze over and the girls are cleaning up after dinner.

Vinny: Seeing Snooki cleaning is like seeing Mike with a condom: it just doesn’t happen.

Vinny: Maybe a little art and history. Or maybe a history of the arts.

Pauly D: This tour guide doesn’t know what he’s getting into.

Mike: I wear my heart on my sleeve … You’re not going to take advantage of The Situation any more.

Snooki: We have to do the tour today and I’m not excited about it. (Isn’t that why they went to Italy?)

Snooki: History is not my thing. Walking around is not my thing.

Jenni: Can I use the bano? I’m gonna p** myself.

Deena: The statute is pretty sexy. I would do it. (talking about statute of David)

Snooki: So, they are real? The babies with wings.

Tour Guide: What do you mean are they real? They are characters of mythology.

Pauly D: It’s beautiful, huh babe? (arm around Vinny, looking at Sunset)

Vinny: Jenni’s been mad calm this year.

Mike: I apologize.

Jenni: I gotta piss.

Vinny: What are you starting with the little kids for? What is wrong with you, bro?

Snooki: We decided to put all the plants on the table to a make a little amazon jungle.

Snooki: Mamoma Party!

Vinny: I know that Mike, deep down, is a good person but Mike’s personality is a hard one to deal with.

Jenni: Sayonara Italy.

Mike: I have no problem being the villian. I’ll take the whole house at once.

Mike: Say hello to the bad guy.

Situation Problems – Quotes from S4E11

Poor Mike. This episode he gets alienated from the group. As Vinny points out, just about everything has been thrown at him from at least each of the other cast members. Mike, meanwhile believes everyone is out to get him because he is “strong.”

Vinny : Want to cuddle? (after Snooki got in trouble with her boyfriend)


Deena : Me and Pauly should do sex.

Pauly D : I gotta bring home a girl so Deena doesn’t come into my bed. I’m not trying to smoosh Deena.

Pauly D : Yo, I need to get a girl so Deena doesn’t f*** me tonight.

Unkown girl at club: I”m really shy … I got a d*ldo today!

Pauly D : You’re not supposed to touch a guy’s hair. | Girl: I can touch whatever the f*** I want.

Pauly D : I struck out tonight [and] I see the condition that Deena is in. I, myself, am in trouble!

Deena : Why? [can’t Pauly have sex with her] | Vinny: He’s on his period.

Vinny : Deena is h0rny. Pauly is defitnetly part of the I.F.F. right now.

Pauly D : You’re gonna have all kinds of crazy feelings. I know how girls get.

Vinny : The real reason [Pauly doesn’t want to sleep with Deena] … Pauly doesn’t like meatballs.

Deena : I’m a good f*** … I only have sex with guys that I care about.

Pauly D : I feel bad though. I should have f***** her.

Snooki : All I want to do is drink with my nipple.

Snooki : Usually, when normal people fall they get really embarrased. Me, I just get up, cover up my cuca, and I just start dancing again. Party

doesn’t stop.

Pauly D : Anybody dumm enough to leave a toothbrush on a counter this dirty, deserves it. (it was Mike’s toothbrush)

Deena : Go hard or go home.

Pauly D : Dena, I would knock the dust off that p***** if we weren’t friends

Jenni “JWOWW”: [shakes head in disbelief] | Snooki: Is my vag*** out?

Sammi “Sweetheart”: You’re in mom mode like me. (watching team meatballs dancing)

Mike “The Situation”: I see you! I see you! Mangia … you. [Mike’s fighting words. mangia = eat]

Vinny : Mike only acts tough when there’s people around to hold back the fight.

Pauly D : I’m into girls. I’m not into drama, so I’m ready to go home.

Snooki : My nipp13’s out.

Deena : They were making fun of us. Maybe it was the boobs. (What?)

Deena : I wish bro. I wish bro. (Bartender threw ice cubes at Team Meatballs)

Ronnie: I feel like I’m in a snoopy episode: blah blah blah blah blah

Jenni “JWOWW”: I would rather sleep with Sammi. Go figure.

Snooki : Being kicked out of the club? Meatball problems.

Snooki : Burning your cuca in the Jacuzzi? Meatball problems.

Snooki : We’re not hookers, we’re just from Jersey.

Pauly D : Holy, leopard skin. (upon seeing Snooki)

Pauly D : Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. With me in the house, you don’t need a fire alarm.

Mike “The Situation”: Be a woman. Do something. (talking to Deena)

Deena : I can lose weight for free. You need about 10 grand to fix your face. (to Mike)

Vinny : You know people don’t like you if every day: you get punched in the face, you have to run into a wall, champaign bottles thrown at

your head, and then spatulas.

Sammi “Sweetheart”: Me and Jenni don’t always get along cause we’re b**ches.

Vinny : Let’s give a round of applause to Ron and Sam.

Vinny : MIke brings drama into different situations … We[Vinny/Pauly] are not like that, we’re drama free.

Mike “The Situation”: That’s why they like to gang up against me. Cause I’m strong.

Pauly D : My man Vinny, loves me. We have a bromance.

Mike “The Situation”: I’m locked in the bathroom. Someone want to help me?

Ronnie: [Mike] actually used his head for once. Not like he did on the wall, but he used his head.

Pauly D : Yo, I got the freshest blowout in Firenze.

Deena : I think you have the ONLY blowout.

Mike “The Situation”: You turn around and you know who your friends are … and it’s just me.

Damage is Done – Season 4 Episode 10

Gym, Tan, Drama! That about sums it up. As the guys go to visit Vinny’s family in Sicily, the girls set out on their own adventure to a few wineries in Tuscany, but the just because they are all getting a little break away from the house, the drama doesn’t end. Mike is crafting evil plans to find out who is ratting on him in the house, Snooki hooked up with Vinny an hour after getting off the phone with Jionni, and Jionni already switched his Facebook status to single! GTD… Gym, Tan, Drama.


Snooki : What the f#%k just happened? What did you just do? (talking about hooking up with Vinny)

Snooki : You never get me up at 7 o’clock in the morning but I’m up, and you know why I’m up, because I f#$king slept in Vinny’s bed last night.

Snooki : It was a rebound reaction.

Snooki : Crazy pants… you’re crazy pants! (Yelling about Mike)

Snooki : I want to hairspray him in the face right now (talking about Mike).

Mike “The Situation”: She’s like the fugitive right now, and I’m harboring information.

Jenni “JWOWW”: I’m so tired right now you crazy whore (to Snooki).

Snooki : They better have mimosas at this f$#king breakfast because if they don’t, I’m going back to Jersey.

Snooki : I didn’t do anything. Yeah I watching f#$king Ryder get with his friend, and that was hot, whatever, but I didn’t hook up with Mike.

Mike “The Situation”: Snooki turned from about 4 foot nine to about 2 foot nine.

Snooki : I love mimosas. JWOWW: I love sleep.

Mike “The Situation”: Gym, Tan, Drama today GTD.

Mike “The Situation”: Pretty much my master plan is Gym, Tan, Who’s the rat.

Sammi “Sweetheart”: Calling your friend to call her boyfriend, that’s f#$ked up, that’s a d!$k move. (To Mike)

Snooki : When people function in the morning this early, this isn’t real life, I feel like it’s a video game.

Snooki : Oh my god I just saw a nun.

Snooki : Como Se Dice this f#$king sucks b@lls!?!

Pauly D : I don’t understand the drama or whatever mike’s intentions were but I’m just sitting here with my popcorn in my hand waiting for this s$it to pop off.

Pauly D : Mike’s dodging everything like the matrix.

Pauly D : I’ve roomed with Vinny before, I know what it sounds like when he gets in, I know what goes down, and um, they got it in.

Mike “The Situation”: This is definitely my most well thought out evil plan.

Deena : We decided we’re going to go to Tuscany on a wine tour, we’re gonna drink some wine, get some drunk.

Sammi “Sweetheart”: Eww, Nicole, did you fart? Snooki: Yeah.

Mike “The Situation”: This is definitely some mafia type s$it (talking about being in Sicily).

Ronnie: We pull up and it’s a ranch. I’m like, 4 guideos in the woods… I don’t know about that.

Snooki : It really was haunted, I could feel… I got the vibe (talking about winery).

Pauly D : This is the best day of my life on the camera (taking pictures of old pictures of Vinny).

Snooki : Cool, history, boooo. You know, like I’m not into geography anymore, give me f#$king wine.

Snooki : She being the worst best friend (about Jwoww).

Deena : Like I was right there and I was thinking in my head that they did do sex but I’m not gonna put her on blast like that.

Deena : I would say us girls definitley went through like 10 bottles of wine.

Snooki : Oh dad, please answer or I’m gonna kill you.

Snooki’s Dad : Well, I can tell you this, he did change his Facebook status to single (on the phone with Snooki).

Snooki : Oh my god!!! He changed his Facebook status to single, yeah that means it’s official!

Snooki : I really honestly didn’t think we had sex, I blacked out a little bit, what are you gonna do.

Vinny : My d#$k was cuddling with you p#$$y. (to Snooki)

Three Men And A Snooki – Season 4 Episode 9

Snooki and Jionni continue their argument over Snooki being Snooki. Seriously, all of the girls are correct in supporting Snooki by taking note that she is only being herself and Jionni shouldn’t be upset at her behavior. Except for the fact that Snooki ends up with Vinny at the end of the episode which proves Jionni right. We also see Deena blaming her constant dizziness on potentially being pregnant, and Mike stirring up Snooki by telling her that Ronnie urged him to fight Jionni.


Ronnie: I’m wearing the same jeans I wore the last night out. How do you think I am?

Pauly D : When I know people are hung over … I start yelling, I get loud, and I start messing with people.

Snooki : Como se diche: Where’s my boyfriend?

Snooki : Don’t look at me like I’m a f*ck*n weirdo. I’m heart broken. So let me dance.

Deena : Are you kidding me. I don’t know what’s like been in that toilet.

Snooki : Why did he leave me? Dad: Honey, I understand .. Snooki: No! You don’t understand. (Yelling at her dad because her boyfriend left her?)

Snooki : I need to change myself to f****** get married, I swear.

Snooki : No one can f***** handle me.

Jenni “JWOWW”: You’re not being Sam right now because in 10 minutes you’re gonna change your mind. (The look on Sam’s face is priceless)

Sammi “Sweetheart”: She’s definetly having a Sam moment.

Pauly D : Don’t look at me. (Deena finds pyramid on her bed)

Deena : Ewww. Get it off of me (Vinny chases her nekkid).

Snooki : Obviously, I have a lot of aggression to get out right now. (slams and chokes guy while dancing at club)

Deena : I have an emergency. I need a pregnancy test.

Deena : Everyday I get dizzy. I think that’s why I’ve been, like, freaking out. (Deena feels dizzy?)

Deena : I could go into that bathroom and be pregnant right now.

Jionni: Do I have to accept the fact that my f***** girlfriend was dancing like a pig in front of me?

Jionni: You’re drunk 7 days a week, you’re hooking up with girls, and you’re dancing your underwear out. That’s not you? (talking to Snooki)

Vinny : I told you. My sister took your tweezers.

Ronnie: Mike … sits on the corner with his glasses on and looks like the biggest creep ever.

Jenni “JWOWW”: [Mike’s] just trying to ruin someone’s relationship and get away with it.

Snooki : Can you cuddle without being a freak?

Where is My Boyfriend? – Season 4 Episode 8

Jionni is here… and now he’s gone. After waiting and waiting, Snooki and Jionni are finally reunited. Her prince charming flew thousands of miles to come see here in Italy and find love and marriage right? Well, not really. Only 6 hours after showing up, Snooki embarrasses Jionni at the club and he is gone as fast as he came. Snooki is a mess, Mike is acting crazy, and the house isn’t sure what to do. Sprinkled in the larger theme of this weeks episode, JWOWW’s boyfriend wasn’t able to make it over to see her, Snooki pulls a prank on Mike with Brittany, and Mike is ready to fight anyone who breathes in his direction! Italy or Jersey, drama will always be there!


Snooki : I don’t want to go in the back of a cop car ever again.

Snooki : There like coming right here why can’t you just wait? (to the cop)

Snooki : This is so embarrassing, I don’t want to do this again.

Snooki : I’m not allowed to drive in Italy anymore, they took my license.

Snooki : Now it’s like I need a cocktail.

Snooki : I went to jail… again!

Snooki : (On the phone with Jionni) I ran into a cop car. Jionni: Were you drunk?

Snooki : I could only imagine if Jionni’s like I can’t come. I jump off this f*#king balcony onto the street and kill myself.

Snooki : Dude she’s such a dumb blond (talking about Brittany).

Snooki : Dude like I thought I was psycho and crazy, this bitch is beyond psycho and crazy, I don’t even know what to call it, like you’re a wildebeest (talking about Brittany).

Snooki : Oh god I’m gonna poo my pants I’m so excited.

Snooki : Mike sees Brittany and he’s like, what the hell is going on, and I’m like yep hi I did that.

Snooki : Your welcome Mike you f$#king fruit loop.

Snooki : So my prank on Mike backfires, I mean I’m kinda pissed off about it.

Snooki : He hasn’t seen me in like a month so I don’t want him to think I’m fat or like pale or gross.

Snooki : I look like a cop, but Jionni’s gonna think I’m hot because my t#$s are out.

Snooki : Oh my god, Jionni is like my world. Jionni is like crocadilly but alive.

Snooki : I really don’t care to introduce him to anybody, everybody knows who he is. I don’t want to give him the tour because I’m so f$%king horny.

Snooki : I shouldn’t have said that, but, his wiener is tan, and I love it.

Snooki : Jionni: Your balls are out. Snooki: My balls aren’t out shut up.

Snooki : Me and Jionni, we’re gonna have guido babies I know it. I can’t wait to pop those suckers out, they’re gonna be so f$#king cute and tan.

Snooki : I hope I have a c-section because I don’t want it to f#$k up my va$#na

Snooki : If Mike says anything to Jionni, I’m legit gonna punch Mike in the face.

Snooki : Jionni: You’re dancing like a f%$king whore (to Snooki).

Snooki : Where’s my boyfriend? I don’t deserve this right now (drunk looking for Jionni after he left her at the club).

Snooki : I hate you, you’re so mean (to Jionni).

Pauly D : Anything could happen, they could kick us out of Italy. We’re all F#@ked (talking about Snooki’s car crash).

Pauly D : Bye Fiat (to Snookis car).

Pauly D : Did your life flash before your eyes? (to Snooki and Deena)

Pauly D : Yo, you f*#cked up my Fiat girl (to Snooki).

Pauly D : Oh it’s on tonight.

Pauly D : Hey Brittany.

Pauly D : I’m getting nervous now (to Snooki about Jionni coming).

Pauly D : Snooki if he really was here, that was a poor response time, you should never keep a man waiting.

Pauly D : Yo this girl was crying waiting for you son (to Jionni).

Pauly D : Jionni knew what he was getting himself into. He should be more secure. That’s no way to handle your problems my dude.

Pauly D : Who do I have to f$%k around here to get a hotdog? Not you I hope.

Mike “The Situation”: I would have to say the club had so much better ratio between hotdog buns and hotdogs that I am determined to get it in tonight.

Mike “The Situation”: I see a foot in my bed.

Mike “The Situation”: Oh my god aye (to the Australian chick about Brittany being in the bed).

Mike “The Situation”: Uh… this is gonna be tough to get out of.

Mike “The Situation”: I got this Australian chick who I have to find out if she’s DTF. Brittany’s already in my bed.

Mike “The Situation”: So I just say hey, I’ve already got a bun in the oven, no need to warm another one up. Time to go home Australian chick.

Mike “The Situation”: That guy is very curious about me. I don’t like it (about Jionni).

Mike “The Situation”: Anyone comes close to me asking questions, I’m kicking them.

Mike “The Situation”: I’m letting you know I think he already knows, and if he come up to me Ima tell him the truth, like detail for detail and if he come to close, I’m kicking him.

Mike “The Situation”: Between me and you, I’ve never been caught with my guard down. Like if Jionni came up to me and winked, I’d kick him in his head (to JWOWW).

Mike “The Situation”: I don’t want to like, kick your boyfriend in the head, but I feel like he’s looking at me. Is there a problem? (to Snooki)

Mike “The Situation”: On the surface Jionni looks like a nice kid, but at the end of the day, that kid was a f$%king wankster.

Vinny : I don’t see Nicole, all I see is the car getting towed away and I don’t know what that means, I don’t know if Nicole’s locked up, I mean she hit a cop.

Vinny : Snooki come here! Door bell!

Vinny : We don’t want any get the hell outta here (when Snooki and Jionni ring the bell).

Vinny : Mike ever since he got into the fight with Ronnie, he thinks he has to have his guard up all the time, and by his guard, I mean his feet.

Vinny : Because of what happened with Snooki and Mike in the past, Mike’s having an imaginary confrontation in his head right now.

Vinny : Jionni, the fact that your getting upset that Nicole did something a little skanky, is like ridiculous.

Vinny : You know what you can do, get you’re a$$ in the kitchen and make me a f$%king cheeseburger.

Jenni “JWOWW”: Spread your legs (to Snooki as she spray tans her butt).

Jenni “JWOWW”: Nicole is like strutting new outfits every single 5 seconds… that’s night time.

Jenni “JWOWW”: You never fought, you hit yourself (to Mike).

Jenni “JWOWW”: I can’t wait for Mike to like, kick in the air and slip on a banana and like break his ankle.

Jenni “JWOWW”: Well, at least I get to say I walked f#$king Florence barefoot.

Ronnie: Haha high five to that one (Jionni pulling Snooki’s dress up).

Ronnie: Snooki’s dress looks like a swimsuit to be honest with you. It doesn’t even come below her cuca like at all.

Deena : Mike’s new thing is karate. I’m like alright Mike, do your think kung fu panda.

Sammi “Sweetheart”: I really have to pee bad.

Meatball Mashup – Season 4 Episode 7

Team Meatballs (Nicole and Deena), and the crew, drive off to Riccione where Deena and Nicole get to know each other a little better. This Episode is all about Team Meatballs as they show us how to get your party on. No Sammi/Ronnie drama in this episode, but Ronnie steals Pauly D’s swagger. Towards the end, Snooki drives into a cop and gets taken away.

Pizza Boss: I lost my many pieces of my brain in that place. (talking about Riccione beach)


Jenni “JWOWW”: I’m dying to wear my bikini and see what guys look like in Speedo’s.

Ronnie: When I said Riccione, Marco’s eyes lit up. Ohhh Riccione! That’s gotta be a good place.

Jenni “JWOWW”: An Italian beach, does that mean nudity? (Reply from Snooki): Does that mean ding-dongs hanging out?

Pauly D : You do realize we got a fiat right? (about too much luggage for size of cars)

Ronnie: What the fiat!

Deena : Us meatballs we’re short. We can barely touch the pedals in these stupid cars.

Deena : I have to Jersey Turnpike on the Firenze Turnpike.

Mike “The Situation”: Holy Riccione. Holy Macarroni.

Snooki : It looks like Hawaii. So I feel like it’s an island. Or maybe it’s like on the border of like a continent. You know what I
mean? So it’s like by Ocean.

Pauly D : Look at the Italian flag. I feel like I’m in Italy. (Yes, they ARE in Italy)

Deena : Did you just have an 0rgasm? Cause I did. (referring to drink)

Girls: Blast in the glass! Blast in the glass!

Girls: Do you know what a cuca is? A cuca is another name for the v@gina. (teaching bartender)

Snooki : How do you say v@gina in Italian? “Vajin”.

Deena : Drunk shopping is never good.

Snooki : Jenni, your cheeks are out. (Nicole and Deena are being obnoxious to Sammi and Jenni)

Snooki : It feels like heaven. Like the gods have spoke and we hear music.

Snooki : We like to drink. We like to Party. It’s team meatballs.

Snooki : I couldn’t stop, you b&tch. (Toro rushing Deena and falls into bushes)

Jenni “JWOWW”: Deena is showing her cuca to the whole entire club.

Snooki : Team Meatballs can handle anything when it comes to alcohol. So we’re gonna go mad hard all day then mad hard at
the club.

Mike “The Situation”: Deena and Snooki are the meatballs and they’re not making it to the sauce.

Pauly D : Yo, I’ve never danced my underwear off in my life!

Ronnie: We watched them get drunk for two hours straight. I watched Snooki run head straight first into a bush like Mike ran

into a wall.

Snooki : Stick with me and we’ll be fine. If we both get crazy, it’s not a big deal.

Jenni “JWOWW”: This sounds like the cab ride home. Tonight is gonna be one of those nights. I already know.

Jenni “JWOWW”: She has no underwear.

Deena : What ever! I forgot to put underwear on.

Jenni “JWOWW”: It’s bad enough a nipple slips at the club but you’re never supposed to forget your underwear.

Jenni “JWOWW”: Nicole and Deena are digesting each other’s tongues. I want to throw up.

Snooki : I’m the best kisser on this whole planet.

Pauly D : Hey Deena. Stop making a scene and Lezz go.

Pauly D : Ronnie Swacked my wake up call … Swacked is when you get your swagger jacked.

Pauly D : What ever I say, wear or do, Ronnie does the exact same thing … Sometimes the stuff I do is contagious so I

Jenni “JWOWW”: I wish I had the men in black zapper to undo the whole night …
I cannot accept the fact that Deena and Nicole hooked up like that.

Pizza Boss: It’s a dog. Oh no, it’s your shoes. (talking about Snooki’s boots)

Snooki : I feel like nobody should have cars here in Italy. They don’t know how to drive. (right before crashing into cop)

Fist Pump, Push-Ups, Chapstick – Season 4 Episode 6

Mike is starting to recover from his fight with the wall, Ron and Sam are getting along again, and there are two new roommates, Joey D (Pauly’s guido alter-ego) and Louie (Vinny’s guido alter-ego). Everything seems to be somewhat normal in the GTL household, but will it last?? Seems like everyone is trying to get Snooki to break up with Jionni, but she is in love with him, will Ron and Sam really be able to stay together without fighting, and how will things play out with Mike’s constant drama and the rest of the house dealing with it? Italy is where it’s at right now!!


Mike “The Situation”: At least I know from now on not to bang my head into a wall anymore.

Mike “The Situation”: I feel helpless, I can’t eat, I can’t GTL, I’m upset man.

Pauly D : Mike’s neckbrace, it’s kinda funny. He’s moping around, he’s wasting his time in Italy. Stop milking that s%#t.

Vinny : Can you see me I’m over here, now I’m over here, I’m over here (making fun of Mike with Pauly D).

Vinny : Don’t be fu#$ing dramatic. Vinny and Pauly together: Drama freak.

Melissa (Mike’s sister): listen to me, you ran into a wall, that’s a crazy move (to Mike).

Pauly D : You got your neck brace bro? (to Vinny)

Jenni “JWOWW”: There was not one injury on him from the fight, so he did it to himself.

Jenni “JWOWW”: I feel like, how can you get sympathy on a self inflicted injury?

Mike “The Situation”: Like I don’t know who the f#$k I thought I was, but I ran into a concrete wall.

Snooki : It smells like pig butt.

Snooki : Priest: can you cover your body please when you come in front of church (to Snooki). Snooki: shut up… a$$hole!

Snooki : The priest was like, cover up when you come to my church, or he basically just called me a whore. At my church they’d be like, oh nice outfit.

Snooki : god likes my tits, god made tits.

Jenni “JWOWW”: god didn’t make mine (talking about her fake boobs).

Snooki : You make me happy, you make me laugh, and I want to suck your butt (to Jionni).

Snooki : Me I’m the total opposite I don’t give a f*&k what people think about me. I peed my pants in public, I’m still not be embarrassed.

Ronnie: I want you to put nutella on my toes and suck them right now Jionii (talking to Snooki about her and Jionni) Snooki: well not my toes…

Pauly D : You’re the only girl I let touch my hair right (to Deena).

Pauly D : Nobody touches my hair.

Pauly D : My hair’s sacred, it’s like my sacred crown. It means a lot to me.

Deena : Pauly looks hot with his new hair style. I’d totally f@#king bang him.

Pauly D : Yo I look like them guidos on TV that are like trying too hard.

Deena : What’s your name? Pauly: I’m your new roommate Joey D.

Pauly D : Joey D, taking over Italy, Pauly D’s a clown, yeahhhh buddy.

Vinny : We are dressing like ultimate guidos right now, and no one knows more about guido tool bags then us.

Pauly D : You got your chapstick bro? (to Vinny)

Pauly D : Yo do I got enough chapstick on Louie? (to Vinny)

Pauly D : Louie, you’re gonna get all the girls.

Pauly D : I’m gonna f@#cking fist pump till my f&*king arm falls off.

Pauly D : Fist pump like this Louie.

Pauly D : Oh you hit me in the eye Louie, how many times I gotta f&*cking tell you, don’t fist pump next to my eye (to Vinny).

Pauly D : FPC, fist pump, pushups, chapstick!

Pauly D : FPC is a way of life. I’m a guido.

Jenni “JWOWW”: You are like every guy I’ve ever dated (to Pauly when dressed like a guido).

Pauly D : If I have to hear Ronnie and Sammi fight one more time, I will smash my head against the wall.

Vinny : It’s like listening to the same annoying record over and over and over (about Ron and Sam fighting).

Pauly D : Mike decided to smash his head against the wall he got sick of it so much, I’m about to do the same thing (about Ron and Sam fighting).

Mike “The Situation”: I shouldn’t have said anything to Ron, maybe I should have said it to Pauly (trying to apologize to Snooki).

Mike “The Situation”: Maybe I should’ve kept my mouth shut, but I still care about the girl and I tried to man up (about Snooki).

Snooki : Dude, it’s like talking to a wall with Mike, f$%king weirdo.

Mike “The Situation”: I’m so excited to go out tonight. I haven’t been out in days. It’s gonna be a situation.

Ronnie: Crazy legs comes out, and I’m killing it on the dance floor, and I eat it so hard that like I hurt my knee

Snooki : I saw you make that face… and I’m going to f$%king punch you. Don’t make that face at me (talking to a girl at the club).

Snooki : I’m just like don’t f*&k with my b$%ch. If you f%#k with Deena, I will hurt you.

Deena : Team meatballs attack.

Snooki : I’m pulling this girl’s hair and she’s pulling my hair, and I realize it’s my meatball Deena.

Vinny : Yo you fought each other idiots, you two were fighting each other (laughing at Snooki and Deena).

Vinny : That was my favorite thing, when you two started fighting each other.

Deena : Falling drunk, you know it’s like, BEEP, and then you’re bleeding, and you’re like freaking all cut up.

Deena : Elis is definitely not getting the golden ticket.

Pauly D : Poor guy struck out twice (talking about Elis and Deena).

Snooki : I blacked out, what happened?

Jenni “JWOWW”: We were about to f$#king intervene you’re a$$ (to Snooki about her and Jionni).

Snooki : You don’t do a f%$king intervention. I’m not addicted to heroin, I’m just addicted to by boyfriends penis, that’s all.

And The Wall Won – Season 4 Episode 5

The “big” fight has finally happened. Looks like they should have been airing commercials about Mike versus the Wall instead! Sammi and Ronnie are back at it and it seems like it is getting worse by the minute. Snooki and her boyfriend are getting along, but will it last? And as always, Pauly D and Vinnie are staying FTD. Season 4 in Italy is starting to heat up. Looks like the break did the cast good, they got along great for a while, but tensions are are starting to rise!

Mike “The Situation”: He didn’t hurt me, there was not one scratch on my pretty face. All those muscles, didn’t do s*#t too me (talking about fight with Ron)


Vinny : Your boy’s been waiting to do that for so long (to Pauly about Ron and Mike fight).

Pauly D : To be honest with you, he didn’t do s%&t really (about Ron fighting)

Pauly D : I don’t think either of them can fight. I mean I know Mike used to take karate and Ronnies got big muscles or whatever.

Pauly D : Mike knocked himself out. I think Mike tried to commit suicide by running his head up against the wall.

Mike “The Situation”: I hit my head against a concrete wall… it hurts.

Snooki : I’m like dude, I know you don’t want to feel like a low life and you got you’re a&$ beat, but you need to go to the hospital to make sure your f@#king ok.

Jenni “JWOWW”: I don’t want him to die (about mike).

Vinny : The craziest thing is that like he’s in the hospital and it wasn’t even from the fight.

Vinny : Like he f#*king knocked himself out into the wall… what the f@#k?!? (Talking about Mike).

Snooki : I used to get that all the time from cheerleading (talking about concussions). Vinny – you sure you didn’t get that when you blackedout drunk and fell? Snooki – well that happens too.

Sammi “Sweetheart”: Be honest all you want, but I just don’t want anything to do with you ever again in my entire life (to Ronnie).

Vinny : All this crazy s#$t is going on, you know I got roommates in the hospital, I got f@#king fights, I got psychological talks that I’m having with people, and I got florist calling me telling me that they have deliveries of flowers for the girls. It’s the last thing that I want to hear right now.

Florist – I call this afternoon. Vinny – yes, si. Florist – ok but uh… Vinny – graci (then hangs up).


Mike “The Situation”: The doc’s prognosis was a light concussion also combined with a neck sprain as well.

Mike “The Situation”: Yeah I’m all right, just a little head trauma little sprain, little this little that.

Mike “The Situation”: That’s not good because for the next couple days, I can’t GTL. I’m upset man.

Mike “The Situation”: The conflict between me and Ron is unsettled. At any time it could pop off. I won’t hesitate to fight him and he won’t hesitate to fight me because nobody got the better of each other in round one.

Snooki : it’s like cute adorable roses from Jionni and it has a little bunny inside, and I’m just like… meh.

Vinny : Now that we know that Mike had no serious problem and it was just like a blow to the head, our house kinda is back to normal, not that it’s a good normal, but if it wasn’t f%$ked up it wouldn’t be our house right.

Pauly D : What comes to mind when I think about Ron and Sam is like me throwing up.

Jionni – I’m sexually frustrated. Snooki – Are you, I was until I had fun in the shower then I was like buurrmm bye.


Snooki : I want your balls (to Jionni).

Mike “The Situation”: I didn’t even really listen to her apology too much because it is Sam’s fault we fought and I just went through a wall. I can’t hear that s&$t.

Mike “The Situation”: I have a big heart and if somebody else in the house was hurt, I’d be checking on them you know what I mean, but nobody was really checking on me really that much.

Jenni “JWOWW”: When I see Mike and his neck brace, I feel like he’s doing an insurance claim right now.

Pauly D : When I see Mike with his neck brace, I’m like oh my God he’s got his gasses on like always and the neck brace. You don’t wear sunglasses with a neck brace. He looks ridiculous.

Sammi “Sweetheart”: I was mature by putting stuff on Ron’s bed but throwing it out is going a little too far.

Snooki : Don’t leave without me or I’ll never talk to you guys again.

Ronnie: You alright? Mike “The Situation”: I didn’t realize that wall was so hard.

Mike “The Situation”: I try to be the peacemaker in this house. Even though I know we could fight at any instant, I still respect the kid.

Mike “The Situation”: I might as well get the pain out of the way now. (Talking about why he puts his head through walls in fights)

Mike “The Situation”: I didn’t know that s*&t was cement. That s&%t doesn’t even have a dent on it (talking about wall he head butted).

Ronnie: What? That doesn’t even make sense. I don’t think I would’ve put you in the hospital… the wall put you in the hospital. (Talking about Mike’s comments about banging his head on the wall)

Deena : I don’t know about you but I plan on drinking at this bar.

Ronnie: Mikes home still dealing with his issues and trying to find a way to apologize to the wall I guess.

Pauly D : It’s finally starting to feel like I’m out with single Ronnie. He’s got that look in his face like he’s gonna creep or whatever.

Pauly D : This guy’s wasted right now (pointing at Ronnie).

Pauly D : What’s up baby I’ll f!#k you up. What’s up baby let’s do it let’s do it let’s do it (to guy in club).

Pauly D : I think he was jealous I was dancing with that girl. Maybe it was his girlfriend that’s probably why.

Mike “The Situation”: Me and Snooks… she was a little mad at me I was a little mad at her, and after a trip to the hospital, we realize that at the end of the day we love each other so… I don’t think Nicole and Jionni are meant for each other.

Vinny : We’re trying to get Ronnie to push up on some girls in the club.

Vinny : If Ron brings another girl home Sammis gonna flip out cause that will just start another war, but a man has needs, what is he gonna wait, two months to do it? I don’t think so.

Ronnie: When I give you flowers, don’t ask me if I brought home another girl.

Sammi “Sweetheart”: I’m just all, I feel all f$&ked up in the head at this point.

The Calm before the Storm – Season 4 Episode 4

In Season 4 Episode 4 of Jersey Shore, we see Ronnie and Sammi acting like a loving couple. He buys her gifts, they have dinner, etc. They actually start to look like a normal couple. However, that is simply the “calm before the storm” as Sammi quickly turns jealous for no valid reason and starts up drama when Ronnie is dancing and having a good time at the Yab club. Afterwards, Sammi was trying to save face by putting the spotlight on Mike’s earlier comments (which were unrelated to the night’s events). The episode is actually titled “Crime and Punishment” but it seems we have to wait until next week to actually see Ronnie handing out some “justice.”


Mike “The Situation”: It was supposed to be a Ménage à Twin, but my whole menagery went awry.

Vinny : It was called a tag team, not tag rob. (about Deena stealing Twin)

Mike “The Situation”: Sometimes the truth hurts. But, I’m going to bring truth to the people. I’m the people’s champ.

Snooki : Vinny had your sloppy seconds. (talking to Deena)

Pauly D : Come on. Lesbionic. Lesbehonest (taunting Deena)

Snooki : Let’s have babies. (to Jionni on the phone)

Snooki : My bazooka’s out.

Mike “The Situation”: Erica’s called but I don’t know who she’s called for, Vinny or you [Deena].

Ronnie: Robina. (talking about Deena)

Mike “The Situation”: Deena has a criminal record of c@$blocking now. This is a serious offense and is going to be on her record for at least 7 years.

Mike “The Situation”: If somebody’s in somebody’s bed, you don’t go and grab them.

Deena : I’m not a c@#blocker. I gave her back afterwards.

Jenni “JWOWW”: [Ackward Silence] “So what else is going on?”

Pauly D : Sometimes my jokes are harsh. (to Deena)

Snooki : This is going to be a miserable job. So, let’s get our buzz on.

Snooki : Thank god for Deena. Otherwise, we would end up in Rome. (on their way to Pizza place)

Pauly D : Passing out flyers is the best way to meet girls … I should get a commission for this .. Yeahh buddy!

Pauly D : Nikky your pizza is ready. [Nikky walks up] Nikky! What are you doing? Sleeping? (Pauly D’s version of customer service)

Snooki : Just meatballs in a bag. (talking to her boss when she and Deean jump into a garbage bag)

Deena : I have my periodozo. (Excuse while drinking wine with Snooki and hiding from boss)

Deena : Did you just get p00ped on [by a pidgeon]? That’s good luck. (talking to Pauly D)

Ronnie: Me and Sammi talking when we’re drunk is like throwing kerosene to the fire.

Mike “The Situation”: Two guys, two girls. Seems like a party to me.

Pauly D : (Giving girls a tour of home and pointing to Ronnie) That’s what happens when you take steroids.

Ronnie: I’m tired of you trying to check me .. Get out! (Talking to Sammi. Not a funny quote, but memorable.)