Jionni is here… and now he’s gone. After waiting and waiting, Snooki and Jionni are finally reunited. Her prince charming flew thousands of miles to come see here in Italy and find love and marriage right? Well, not really. Only 6 hours after showing up, Snooki embarrasses Jionni at the club and he is gone as fast as he came. Snooki is a mess, Mike is acting crazy, and the house isn’t sure what to do. Sprinkled in the larger theme of this weeks episode, JWOWW’s boyfriend wasn’t able to make it over to see her, Snooki pulls a prank on Mike with Brittany, and Mike is ready to fight anyone who breathes in his direction! Italy or Jersey, drama will always be there!
Snooki : I don’t want to go in the back of a cop car ever again.
Snooki : There like coming right here why can’t you just wait? (to the cop)
Snooki : This is so embarrassing, I don’t want to do this again.
Snooki : I’m not allowed to drive in Italy anymore, they took my license.
Snooki : Now it’s like I need a cocktail.
Snooki : I went to jail… again!
Snooki : (On the phone with Jionni) I ran into a cop car. Jionni: Were you drunk?
Snooki : I could only imagine if Jionni’s like I can’t come. I jump off this f*#king balcony onto the street and kill myself.
Snooki : Dude she’s such a dumb blond (talking about Brittany).
Snooki : Dude like I thought I was psycho and crazy, this bitch is beyond psycho and crazy, I don’t even know what to call it, like you’re a wildebeest (talking about Brittany).
Snooki : Oh god I’m gonna poo my pants I’m so excited.
Snooki : Mike sees Brittany and he’s like, what the hell is going on, and I’m like yep hi I did that.
Snooki : Your welcome Mike you f$#king fruit loop.
Snooki : So my prank on Mike backfires, I mean I’m kinda pissed off about it.
Snooki : He hasn’t seen me in like a month so I don’t want him to think I’m fat or like pale or gross.
Snooki : I look like a cop, but Jionni’s gonna think I’m hot because my t#$s are out.
Snooki : Oh my god, Jionni is like my world. Jionni is like crocadilly but alive.
Snooki : I really don’t care to introduce him to anybody, everybody knows who he is. I don’t want to give him the tour because I’m so f$%king horny.
Snooki : I shouldn’t have said that, but, his wiener is tan, and I love it.
Snooki : Jionni: Your balls are out. Snooki: My balls aren’t out shut up.
Snooki : Me and Jionni, we’re gonna have guido babies I know it. I can’t wait to pop those suckers out, they’re gonna be so f$#king cute and tan.
Snooki : I hope I have a c-section because I don’t want it to f#$k up my va$#na
Snooki : If Mike says anything to Jionni, I’m legit gonna punch Mike in the face.
Snooki : Jionni: You’re dancing like a f%$king whore (to Snooki).
Snooki : Where’s my boyfriend? I don’t deserve this right now (drunk looking for Jionni after he left her at the club).
Snooki : I hate you, you’re so mean (to Jionni).
Pauly D : Anything could happen, they could kick us out of Italy. We’re all F#@ked (talking about Snooki’s car crash).
Pauly D : Bye Fiat (to Snookis car).
Pauly D : Did your life flash before your eyes? (to Snooki and Deena)
Pauly D : Yo, you f*#cked up my Fiat girl (to Snooki).
Pauly D : Oh it’s on tonight.
Pauly D : Hey Brittany.
Pauly D : I’m getting nervous now (to Snooki about Jionni coming).
Pauly D : Snooki if he really was here, that was a poor response time, you should never keep a man waiting.
Pauly D : Yo this girl was crying waiting for you son (to Jionni).
Pauly D : Jionni knew what he was getting himself into. He should be more secure. That’s no way to handle your problems my dude.
Pauly D : Who do I have to f$%k around here to get a hotdog? Not you I hope.
Mike “The Situation”: I would have to say the club had so much better ratio between hotdog buns and hotdogs that I am determined to get it in tonight.
Mike “The Situation”: I see a foot in my bed.
Mike “The Situation”: Oh my god aye (to the Australian chick about Brittany being in the bed).
Mike “The Situation”: Uh… this is gonna be tough to get out of.
Mike “The Situation”: I got this Australian chick who I have to find out if she’s DTF. Brittany’s already in my bed.
Mike “The Situation”: So I just say hey, I’ve already got a bun in the oven, no need to warm another one up. Time to go home Australian chick.
Mike “The Situation”: That guy is very curious about me. I don’t like it (about Jionni).
Mike “The Situation”: Anyone comes close to me asking questions, I’m kicking them.
Mike “The Situation”: I’m letting you know I think he already knows, and if he come up to me Ima tell him the truth, like detail for detail and if he come to close, I’m kicking him.
Mike “The Situation”: Between me and you, I’ve never been caught with my guard down. Like if Jionni came up to me and winked, I’d kick him in his head (to JWOWW).
Mike “The Situation”: I don’t want to like, kick your boyfriend in the head, but I feel like he’s looking at me. Is there a problem? (to Snooki)
Mike “The Situation”: On the surface Jionni looks like a nice kid, but at the end of the day, that kid was a f$%king wankster.
Vinny : I don’t see Nicole, all I see is the car getting towed away and I don’t know what that means, I don’t know if Nicole’s locked up, I mean she hit a cop.
Vinny : Snooki come here! Door bell!
Vinny : We don’t want any get the hell outta here (when Snooki and Jionni ring the bell).
Vinny : Mike ever since he got into the fight with Ronnie, he thinks he has to have his guard up all the time, and by his guard, I mean his feet.
Vinny : Because of what happened with Snooki and Mike in the past, Mike’s having an imaginary confrontation in his head right now.
Vinny : Jionni, the fact that your getting upset that Nicole did something a little skanky, is like ridiculous.
Vinny : You know what you can do, get you’re a$$ in the kitchen and make me a f$%king cheeseburger.
Jenni “JWOWW”: Spread your legs (to Snooki as she spray tans her butt).
Jenni “JWOWW”: Nicole is like strutting new outfits every single 5 seconds… that’s night time.
Jenni “JWOWW”: You never fought, you hit yourself (to Mike).
Jenni “JWOWW”: I can’t wait for Mike to like, kick in the air and slip on a banana and like break his ankle.
Jenni “JWOWW”: Well, at least I get to say I walked f#$king Florence barefoot.
Ronnie: Haha high five to that one (Jionni pulling Snooki’s dress up).
Ronnie: Snooki’s dress looks like a swimsuit to be honest with you. It doesn’t even come below her cuca like at all.
Deena : Mike’s new thing is karate. I’m like alright Mike, do your think kung fu panda.
Sammi “Sweetheart”: I really have to pee bad.