Jersey Shore Snooki Quotes

Episode 1

My ultimate dream is to move to Jersey, find a nice juiced hot tanned guy and live my life.
When I woke up I was like what did I do last night? Like what did I do? I fucked up... story of my life.

[Day 2] I am a princess at home, like, I am the f*cking princess of f*cking Poughkeepsie. Here, I am nobody, I'm like emotionally exhausted.
Snooki’s staying and I’m ready to party. I’m ready to meet sexy guidos and I’m ready just to f*cking be single.
My ideal man would be Italian, dark, muscles, juice-head, guido.

Pickles is my thing.
I had a feeling where I wanted to make out with somebody, so, umm, I just made out with Ryder, because all the guys like that.
Mike can be a nice guy like, he shows his good side then he shows his jerk off side, that’s what I like: a good guy and a jerk off, it’s all in the same.

The friggin' duck phone.
When I say I’m ready to go wild, I’m gonna go wild.
It wasn't, like, sexual, it's f*cking house music.
He’s a really good guy. That’s the kind of guy I need in my life. I think his name is Ron. [it was Russ]

Please don’t tell me I have missing teeth!
I'm laying there and I'm like, yo, what the f*ck just happened?
I never expected to ever get hit by a guy, ever.
Now I know that they all love me like I love them. Like, I stuck up for them - that's why I got hit in the face, and I think they realize that and they realize I'm a nice person and I care about everybody in this house and now they all feel the same way about me.
F*ck my life.
She gives great advice. [in response to JWOWW saying, "Get some food. Feel better. Drink heavily."]
I came home when they were putting in the lobsters, i was like yo, are those real? That's disgusting, I'm a vet tech. Like, I save animals, I don't kill them.
That's why I don't eat lobster or anything like that cause they're alive when you kill it.
I tried to eat but I couldn't get it in my freakin' mouth 'cause I'm disabled.
I was pissed off, like right when I fuckin' met a guy and I wanted to get his number and hang out with him we had to leave, just my luck.
I look over and I see like hair being pulled & all this sh*t, I'm like oh my god, how do I get in?
JWOWW f*ckin' beat a bitch up tonight. I tried to get in it but I couldn't.
I'm fat [fake cries] I'm about to eat a sausage right now. F*CK YOU ALL!!! HAHA!

I hate guys. I’m turning lesbian. I swear.
(on her would be hook-up) He friggin' jumped out of the car like it was on f*ckin' fire.
(to her lighter-flicking friend, Mike) Lick my ass.
This one girl starts like charging me like a f*ckin’ hippo.
My face is f*cked-up again.
I just fought 2 bitches that I don’t even care about for my roommate that’s a frickin’ retard for bringing them back.
Don’t bring home any f*ckin’ elephants like that ever again.
She brought like 4 trays of frickin’ ziti, the sauce, ya know, all this food. We got amazing cold cuts, loaves of bread, I’m like ‘oh my god, it’s f*ckin’ Christmas.’

I was kinda getting like annoyed with Sammi because like the way like she like talks sometimes like she can be a real b*tch & she doesn’t even like realize it.
For now, hang out with the whole group and let’s just go wild like let’s just blow it out of the water.
He’s Irish and he talks like a cowboy, and I always go for the Italian guys so it’s weird for me to like him.
You look at me you think I’m like a stuck-up b*tch, but yet, like, veterinarian, like that’s my soul, like I f*ckin’ like, save animals, like that’s what I do.
I delivered a friggin’ calf from a cow!
I feel like a cooking turkey.
(to Mike @ dinner) You’re f*cking annoying, seriously, just shut the f*ck up because no one likes you in the house.
Can I have a roll please? | The Situation: Don’t worry, you got a couple.
I wanted to stab him in the f*cking eyeball with my fork.
It’s A.C. b*tch, what happens in A.C. stays in A.C.
(correcting farm boy) I'm not a guido, I'm a guidette.
(on farm boy) If I had to have sex with one person here, it would probably be him, because I know he's a nice guy, he's gotta be clean.
I'm saving myself for cowboy.

I think my crotch is sticking out.
I’m not trashy, unless I drink too much.
I’m not pissed off that they put pickles under my bed as a joke, but I’m pissed off that Mike and Pauly wasted two pickles.
I love bowling so I wanna like school all these kids. (rolls gutterball)
My boobs are so tight I can’t breathe, is that normal?
I was wearing my corset, I look slutty, but I don’t give a f*ck. I can wear whatever the f*ck I want.

Where are the juice-heads? I don’t see any f*cking guido juice-head, you woke me up for nothing.
That’sNotCoolThat’sNotCoolThat’sNotCoolThat’sNotCoolThat’sNotCoolThat’sNotCool.

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