Jersey Shore Snooki Quotes
Season 2
Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8 | Episode 9 | Episode 10 | Episode 11 | Episode 12 | Episode 13 | Finale
Episode 13 | Finale
I am so excited because we are going to see the crocadillies.
If you want me to cook and poison everybody & we're gonna be dead in 2 minutes?... Whatever.
A crow comes and it starts quacking at us... or not quacking, what does a crow do?
Episode 12
I go crazy in this house, living with nutjobs.. I just need somebody from back home to bounce me back & be like, you’re OK.
We are going to Space.. Space means like guidos juicehead gorillas, sexy, tanned, sweaty boys.. & house music.
[Vinny]'s like my big brother, I love him.. but usually you don't have sex with your big brother.
One [fireman] is tall, tanned.. & he looked Italian, so I woulda smushed that, yes.
Episode 11
I’m not sure what lobsters eat, but I think they eat like insects or something… so I was gonna feed them worms.
Episode 10
What I would love to find is a guido, juicehead with my style who's not a cheater 'cause I'm not gonna go on Match.com again.
(to Angelina) If you want to make out with me, just ask... I will say yes.
Episode 9
Angelina got it in with Vinny cuz she's a loosey-goose & then she had sex with Jose the next day... WHORE.. just sayin'.
I thought I broke my vagina bone.. it was terrible.
Grenade Grundle Chodes. All the guys coming up to me are disgusting.
Episode 8
Angelina has sex with Vinny & doesn’t have sex with the nice guy? That makes no sense & that makes you look like a f*ckin’ whore.
I don’t give a f*ck. You had my sloppy seconds, good for you… & obviously you’re loosey-goose cuz he got it in.
Episode 7
All I was doing was trying to be a good friend & Angelina is a two-face b*tch.
Snooki: I'm not white. JWOWW: What are you? Snooki: Tan.
I'm just very excited for him to come over & ya know.. get it in.
Mommy? That's gangsta.. I'm a guidette!
Episode 6
(talking about Vinny's d*ck) It’s like putting a watermelon into a pinhole.
I wanna go on a boat, an island.. filled with gorillas.
Jen, you’re f*ckin’ retarded for agreeing with Angelina… and Angelina, shut the f*ck up, cuz who are you?
If you have to think about it... IT IS.
Episode 5
Rudy is so gay! Gay pride, yay!
Do you know what gay guys do? They’re not attracted to vagina, they’re attracted to a**hole.
Tomorrow.. it’s on like Donkey Kong, we’re going out.
Word of the day: sympathetic. That’s a big word.
Me & Jenni are terrified to go come back to the house, we just don’t want to deal with the drama… that WE caused.
Episode 4
White's in in Miami.. what if you get your period? It’s ruined.
It’s not a good idea to come in here with a boyfriend.
It’s just a big ball of f*ckness. That’s a new word: f*ckness.
[Angelina] farted & it’s coming in my mouth & nose.
Episode 3
Vinny: You look hot…you just took my breath away. Snooki: You tryin’ to smush right now?
Snooki: Wanna f*ck? Vinny: Sure.
I can't see any ice creams, I can't see any customers, cuz I'm a f*ckin' Smurf.
I don’t think Mike can go a day without taking his shirt off. He looks like a frickin’ dirty old man outside with his shirt off.. at an ice cream shop.
Snooki: It hurts my vagina... The Situation: Ok, come down.. Snooki: No no, I like it!
Episode 2
The glasses are pretty much all crystalled out, all bling-bling, but when you put them on you can’t really see.. so I don’t think you can't drive with them.. because you’ll get a ticket.
I can't see........... do you have any pickles??
My first thought was: I don’t wanna clean this up. My second thought was: I just f*cked up dinner. My third thought was: What the f*ck am I gonna eat?
Caller: Can I speak to Angelina please? ... Snooki: NO, she died.
Episode 1
Emilo: How many balls do you want? Snooki: I want two.. in my face.
I really don’t want to cheat, like seriously, I don’t want to.. but if you’re gonna hand me a bottle of friggin’ SoCo, something just comes over me, like I just go crazy.
I don’t go tanning tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. I feel like he did that intentionally for us, like McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning.. because he is pale and he would probably wanna be tanned.
This weather is disgusting & I cannot wait to be lying down on a beach with a friggin’ margarita in my hand & my roommates by my side.
I feel like I’m gonna be like a tornado. I’m just gonna go from place to place like destroying it.
(on fried pickles) This puts pickles on a whole ‘nother level.
Eating fried pickles was a life changing experience.
My bronzer’s leaking off my face.
I feel like a pilgrim from the friggin’ 20’s washing sh*t right now.
Sammi: I just feel like I don't know. Snooki: I know how you feel.
You don’t deserve to be here Angelina & you’re a f*ckin’ white rat & you’re f*ckin’ pale & you’re nasty.
I am tanned; I like being tanned, BITCH!
Season 1
Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5
Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8 | Episode 9 Finale
Episode 1
My ultimate dream is to move to Jersey, find a nice juiced hot tanned guy and live my life.
When I woke up I was like what did I do last night? Like what did I do? I f*cked up... story of my life.
Episode 2
[Day 2] I am a princess at home, like, I am the f*cking princess of f*cking Poughkeepsie. Here, I am nobody, I'm like emotionally exhausted.
Snooki’s staying and I’m ready to party. I’m ready to meet sexy guidos and I’m ready just to f*cking be single.
My ideal man would be Italian, dark, muscles, juice-head, guido.
Episode 3
Pickles is my thing.
I had a feeling where I wanted to make out with somebody, so, umm, I just made out with Ryder, because all the guys like that.
Mike can be a nice guy like, he shows his good side then he shows his jerk off side, that’s what I like: a good guy and a jerk off, it’s all in the same.
Episode 4
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The friggin' duck phone.
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When I say I’m ready to go wild, I’m gonna go wild.
It wasn't, like, sexual, it's f*cking house music.
He’s a really good guy. That’s the kind of guy I need in my life. I think his name is Ron. [it was Russ]
Episode 5
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Please don’t tell me I have missing teeth!
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I'm laying there and I'm like, yo, what the f*ck just happened?
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I never expected to ever get hit by a guy, ever.
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Now I know that they all love me like I love them. Like, I stuck up for them - that's why I got hit in the face, and I think they realize that and they realize I'm a nice person and I care about everybody in this house and now they all feel the same way about me.
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F*ck my life.
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She gives great advice. [in response to JWOWW saying, "Get some food. Feel better. Drink heavily."]
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I came home when they were putting in the lobsters, i was like yo, are those real? That's disgusting, I'm a vet tech. Like, I save animals, I don't kill them.
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That's why I don't eat lobster or anything like that cause they're alive when you kill it.
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I tried to eat but I couldn't get it in my freakin' mouth 'cause I'm disabled.
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I was pissed off, like right when I f*ckin' met a guy and I wanted to get his number and hang out with him we had to leave, just my luck.
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I look over and I see like hair being pulled & all this sh*t, I'm like oh my god, how do I get in?
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JWOWW f*ckin' beat a bitch up tonight. I tried to get in it but I couldn't.
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I'm fat [fake cries] I'm about to eat a sausage right now. F*CK YOU ALL!!! HAHA!
Episode 6
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I hate guys. I’m turning lesbian. I swear.
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(on her would be hook-up) He friggin' jumped out of the car like it was on f*ckin' fire.
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(to her lighter-flicking friend, Mike) Lick my ass.
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This one girl starts like charging me like a f*ckin’ hippo.
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My face is f*cked-up again.
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I just fought 2 bitches that I don’t even care about for my roommate that’s a frickin’ retard for bringing them back.
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Don’t bring home any f*ckin’ elephants like that ever again.
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She brought like 4 trays of frickin’ ziti, the sauce, ya know, all this food. We got amazing cold cuts, loaves of bread, I’m like ‘oh my god, it’s f*ckin’ Christmas.’
Episode 7
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I was kinda getting like annoyed with Sammi because like the way like she like talks sometimes like she can be a real b*tch & she doesn’t even like realize it.
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For now, hang out with the whole group and let’s just go wild like let’s just blow it out of the water.
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He’s Irish and he talks like a cowboy, and I always go for the Italian guys so it’s weird for me to like him.
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You look at me you think I’m like a stuck-up b*tch, but yet, like, veterinarian, like that’s my soul, like I f*ckin’ like, save animals, like that’s what I do.
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I delivered a friggin’ calf from a cow!
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I feel like a cooking turkey.
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(to Mike @ dinner) You’re f*cking annoying, seriously, just shut the f*ck up because no one likes you in the house.
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Can I have a roll please? | The Situation: Don’t worry, you got a couple.
I wanted to stab him in the f*cking eyeball with my fork.
It’s A.C. b*tch, what happens in A.C. stays in A.C.
(correcting farm boy) I'm not a guido, I'm a guidette.
(on farm boy) If I had to have sex with one person here, it would probably be him, because I know he's a nice guy, he's gotta be clean.
I'm saving myself for cowboy.
Episode 8
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I think my crotch is sticking out.
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I’m not trashy, unless I drink too much.
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I’m not pissed off that they put pickles under my bed as a joke, but I’m pissed off that Mike and Pauly wasted two pickles.
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I love bowling so I wanna like school all these kids. (rolls gutterball)
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My boobs are so tight I can’t breathe, is that normal?
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I was wearing my corset, I look slutty, but I don’t give a f*ck. I can wear whatever the f*ck I want.
Episode 9
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Where are the juice-heads? I don’t see any f*cking guido juice-head, you woke me up for nothing.
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That’sNotCoolThat’sNotCoolThat’sNotCoolThat’sNotCoolThat’sNotCoolThat’sNotCool.
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